How I'm Blessed

I've been working at my job a lot lately. My work is such an incredible blessing to me, and has been for almost 12 years.

And another fantastic thing- my children have turned a page in their life where they really are helpful, and I feel really good about leaving them at home with a tired daddy.

But yesterday I came home to a crying 3 year old...crying because he spilled his bowl of chocolate chips in his room, three fighting girls, and tired and frustrated daddy. I wanted to complain about how everyone else ruined my day that had gone well up until this point- but the spirit stopped me.

I said good-bye to Daddy, who was probably happy to have somewhere to go, separated the kids, hugged them, and firmly told them not to leave their room while I tried to fix my Internet woes.

I took a lot of deep breaths and even flashed some kinda fake smiles. It wasn't long until all had settled down.

God has really been on to me about not feeling sorry for myself. Not only is it unpleasant for everyone around me, but it is death to my joy. I have been so very guilty of this. I mean, really. Being paid to analyze menus to comply with a tiny bit ridiculous school lunch regs is no big deal. I do it, I get paid, and I get a little break from the usual, I go home. Life goes on.

And comforting tired and upset kids? Hey, it's my job. And I love those kids.

Not having a working Internet for a few days? This was a tough one.

After a time of intense discipline, not feeling sorry for myself has gotten a little easier. And I have to say from experience- Moms, the worst thing you can do indulge in self pity. You can talk to God about your frustrations and then expect Him to do something about it. AND THEN- ask Him to show you something beautiful. He will. That is exactly what he's hoping you'll ask for. Look for it.

Then go bless your family, and rest in knowing that God is working something wonderful in you, just where you are.

Here is some encouragement from some of the people I admire:

Today's devotion from Oswald Chambers. Click here to read the entire devotion.

"Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, “God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.” Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be."

Today, I must share a few happy things.

1. The very day we started school- a year of learning focused on different countries and cultures, I got some of the most happy mail I can imagine from BOTH of our sponsored children.

 Okay this girl belongs in our family- and/or we have the same frequency of thoughts. A painting of the Ethiopian flag and an animal...I'm guessing a hyena? Exactly what I would have suggested as a painting for our family. Learning directly from the source. Rebka- you'll never know how you've blessed me!

I am wanting to visit Thailand something fierce- so I thought we could invest in it. Compassion sent an entire booklet just on this particular child, whose birthday is right after mine. In detail, it said where he lived and what his life is like- from what his chores are to what he eats to how he does in school. And he loves soccer. It indicated that he may be Hmong, a people group that I ache for. I love his stern face. He reminds me of Sook. I bet he has a great smile.

What a first day of school. We love you, Rebka and Si.

2. Rain. Never have a loved rain so much. Today as Max jumped in a huge puddle in the grocery store parking lot, all I could do is laugh. This picture wasn't today, but this is how much we love rain! We love the rainbows, too...





3. My husband cleans carpets for money, yet we have the nastiest carpet in town. I know I'm to blame. I have had so much self- pity over this darn carpet. But when I came home from work the other day, he had mowed whatever lawn we still have and cleaned the carpet. Now, it is still nasty. However, a little nasty looks fantastic compared to horrific nasty. I am so thankful for him and that my carpet is not as nasty as it was.

4. I love it that my girls put away all of my groceries while I fixed the computer....again. All of them- and made supper. Yay for older kids.

5. Today, Summer said, "This is so fun!" during multiplication drill time. ????? Okay, I'll take it. Bless you, Summer. The way God works in home school is so exciting. Even in my stubborn child's heart.

Self pity stinks. God's blessings abound.

These Days

Every month, there is one day where I am certain that my world will crash into a billion pieces and I will live the rest of my life in torment. I don't know why, but even with spending any energy I have left on logical reasoning, prayer, and searching for relief, my emotions don't care. They don't listen.

That was today.

My first possible blog post of the day was "Deadlines Only Drive Me To Craziness". I have about 20 things to do...pick up Savannah tomorrow, get ready for camping, prepare for a garage sale in a few weeks, sort clothes, move into new bedrooms...and don't let the laundry, dishes, or weeds get too out of control. Most days I can tolerate how behind I am, but today I had deadlines in my head. Deadlines that no one else cares about.

Secondly, "Everything Ticks Me Off". Facebook posts, mail, my children, and old memories. I'm sure there would be more if I had allowed myself more exposure.

Next, "DON'T Socialize Me". These days I argue and fight and scream inside at my demons left from being different. I know I am. Others may not see it too much because I've been told and trained to dress, act, speak, and think a certain way (which mostly sufficates me)... and if I open up to someone (mostly everyone) that has a normal brain, I am "corrected". Today, I wish that I would have had the luxury of learning to appreciate who God made me before anyone else could have told me that I was broken. These things are so hard to overcome.... on these days.

Finally, "I May Just Have A Panic Attack Because I Spent $260 On JUNK At Walmart". I must first say that when we were first married, I had to pinch every penny. Our circumstances have changed, but there is an emotional remembrance of the fear of spending money. Most money I spend is a need or a very reasonable want. It does not matter what is in the checking account, I still am scared. Especially when the bulk of my purchases were hot dog, chips, and other junk food that will be used up on a weekend of camping. If it was avocados and spinach, I might have felt better about it. Of course, this experience was exponentially worse since I was having "one of those days".

But we are, I'm sure, going to have a fantastic time camping. God heals my wounds, even when I allow them to be ripped open again. Tomorrow I'll realize all the things that ticked me off weren't really that bad, and....the work will still be there, and life will go on.

And by the grace of God, my children are still smiling and hugging me.

Thank the Lord, these days are days that I know what is in my head is not the truth and if I hang on, no matter how I feel, the peace will return.


Writing about this makes me feel better, but to thrust another jab at the lies in my head, I will end with four super things:

1. Sook insisted that we go somewhere again today. At first, I was mad that we had to do this because I have deadlines. But there was a small voice that told me it would be better not to fight it.

Today, it was the C.W. Parker Carousel Museum in Leavenworth, KS. Another on in the 8 Wonders of Kansas. This carousel ride was much better than any other I've experienced. FYI: They are having a birthday celebration on Saturday...but we will be camping.

2. Even though they try me.... I am so thankful for my children. And out of the blue they do things that make me love them even more. They have taught me so much about love, sacrifice, and innocent joy.

3. My husband sometimes makes me so very mad and I'm not sure how I can spend another second with him, but God never condemns him in my thoughts and does not allow me to complain to Him about Sook. And then I remember the grace God possesses and am in awe of how He is not mad at what he did. This only grows my love toward both God and Sook. Grace is the best thing I have ever known, on both the giving and receiving end.

4. I need people around me that force me to do things (camping) that I would never agree to if I didn't have to say "no". I'm trusting this will be better that I am imagining. Even if I am forced to eat hot dogs. The kids are beside themselves with crazy excitement.

Searching for Beautiful

God is good.

But I forget it sometimes. Too little sleep, too many things to discourage me if I forget the first sentence. How do you forget such a short sentence?

Sometimes we have to search for beautiful...but if we do, it's always there.

Thank God for lilacs.

And neighbors.

And perspective.

Big Fat "F"

I have decided that if anyone should ask me how to prepare for parenthood, my answer would be this:

Prepare to be a failure.

 

Get used to failing. Learn how to deal with it. It is inevitable.... every day.

Boy, I sure hope someone else is saying "amen" to this. Otherwise I'm a complete idiot.

 

I guess now that I've put it out there, I need to explain myself a little.

I don't mean that you shouldn't try- in fact, you should fail because you tried.

Embrace your failures. Make friends with them. Distant friends that you are not too comfortable with but comfortable enough that you can laugh with them.

Failures happen to me all the time. I know they could dog pile me and leave me scared and bruised, but they could also build my courage and increase my knowledge.

Know your failures. Pray over them. Determine to conquer them.

As best you can, stay away from those that exploit them and use them for their own show. Instead, find honest parents that will identify with the failures of parenthood. I always appreciate that- to know it's normal. Because there is always someone that looks like he or she has it all together...but here's a secret.....they don't. So here is a list of some of mine so you can feel better about yours.

• Some days I am too tired to think, literally. I stand in the middle of the room and for the life of me try to remember something- anything I should be doing. Even if it is to make a pot of coffee.
• Some days my kids are forced to make their own sandwiches or noodles for lunch. Sometimes it's frozen pizza.
• Most days my kids wake me up.
• Since giving birth almost nine years ago, my entire house has not been clean. Ever. Maybe a room or two, but never everything. And it gets much worse with each child.
• As much as I try not to, I yell at them.
• I stopped getting Better Homes and Gardens because my goals have decreased from the featured home to "must vacuum today."
• Even though I spend most days with my children, I often go to bed wishing I had done one more thing for them or with them, and wish there was something I had not said or done.
• Sometimes we wear dirty clothes for lack of clean ones.
• Today, instead of doing a lesson with Brooke, I did a short quiz to determine that it was not necessary and then let her go play.
• I don't always keep my word because I forget that I said it.
• I always run out of clean spoons.
• I have left the garage door open all night before.
• And forgotten to pay some bills.
• And I always, always forget the name of the child whom I am speaking to.
• They fight alot.
• Sometimes in front of strangers.
• They do not have perfect table manners, they don't wear matching clothes, they whine, and often say or do something to embarrass me.
• And there are days that all of this wears on me, and I cry.

But I have the assurance that God still loves me. He knows my heart. He knows. And thank God my husband never rubs my failures in my face. For that, I feel blessed.

And I know that all of these things will work together for me and my family, becuase I love God, and because he has a purpose for me. Part of that purpose is to be the best darn mama possible.

Prepare to fail, and watch how God turns your failures into successes.
 

Today

Yesterday was not good.

 

Today I remembered the "whatevers".... Whatever is good, whatever is lovely....

 

So here are the things that made me smile today:

 

Max- who has a great belly laugh and always tries to sneak outside without pants on.

Daddy took us to the park to fly a kite that he helped Savannah make.

Ohmygoodness. Spring weather!!!

Summer was very excited to learn division today. This never happens.

The geode I found in our pea gravel.

And in history, we leaned about Iowa:

Wisconsin:

source

And the California gold rush, which stuck this song in my head:

 

 

Some very giggly girls that would not go to bed easily.

 

But they did help clean.

 

Today I see my blessings.

Demons

A few days ago, I sat and stared for a while in the center of chaos, unable to respond because I was bound by my emotions. I can't describe what they were. Somewhere between grief and envy and anger and hopelessness. When I snapped out of my trance, I still was bound. "Man, I'm messed up." I said out loud.

I didn't know how I got there and I wasn't sure how to get out of it. I had to, though. It was an old familiar feeling of lingering depression. Something that doesn't suit a mother of four very well.

For me, there is only one way out. God's love. And I say with caution that I'm free now.

During these times I over think about what is the source and how did this happen and oh, God spare my children. I will do anything to shield them from this fear. This explains my sensitivity to a child's emotional well being.

I thought: my life isn't tragic. I've never missed a meal and don't remember being bullied much. It has to come down to this: complaints and gossip. Could I be over analyzing? I don't think so.

Complaints and gossip, though I am guilty of both, are my worst fears. They are death to me.  They kill my spirit. I can take constructive suggestions and necessary, legit venting. Prayer requests are good and we can't deny that bad things happen. But if someone complains or gossips about anything, I immediately think if that was so bad, I surely have done worse. And if I am the subject? Devastation. Especially if it is not justified.

These simple slips of the tongue have trapped me for so many years.

And when I'm there, my soul is kidnapped and I am a shell in motion. I can't really help my family. I don't even think about those that are not under my nose. I don't want to do anything.

Demons haunting me.

Really? You ask. There are so many worse things out there.
I know, they are subtle and everyone does it. But think about it.

My fears turn to anger which turns to disappointment which turns to insecurity which turns to self, self, self which means I am not useful. I cannot fight. I cannot lift a hurting spirit, I cannot love the unlovable. I cannot rise above. I cannot even fulfill my obligations. And depression sets in.

And the demons have won. I cannot bless.

I have anticipated my friend's thoughts about her trip to Ethiopia (you should read it here)
and when they came, I couldn't even read it because I was too self absorbed. I didn't want to think about suffering around the world because I was so hurt. From gossip and complaining.

It took a few sleepless hours last night to come to the realization again that I am not what people say. I am who God made me. And the song lyrics, "I am free to love, I am free to dance" played in the background.

I struggle this way too often.

So my thought for the day is teach your child to hate gossips and complaints by not making them comfortable with them. Don't do them. Don't expose them to people that would if at all possible. Don't allow it to come from them. They are death. And they just may be the thing that will stop them from accomplishing mighty things.

Counter them with hope, love, and joy. Be faithful to friends and family, no matter what you are feeling. Promote peace. Speak blessings. These things will bring life. Life is a good thing.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. -Proverbs 18:21

Thankfulness

I have this theory....

If we enjoy God's blessings, not taking them for granted, He is blessed. When this happens, He is excited for the fact that we are excited about what He has given us. Then He shows us more of what is ours- joy, creation, mercy, grace, and so much more. It's like He says, "Do you like this? Well, let me show you this as well.."

It has occurred to me recently that I am blessing God by slowing down once and a while, sitting back, and basking in His gifts to us. It refreshes me immensely and gets me through the next challenge, but it also blesses God and opens the door for so much more.

Just this week my blessings are overflowing.

A boat ride on the Marion Reservoir at sunset...breathtaking.

Driving home with the windows open on a COOL summer's night. Lightening flashing inside the clouds far ahead while reflecting the brilliant colors of the sunset.

TWO zoo trips.

Peek-a-boo!

RAIN!!!

Observing a garter snake in the yard that had just had lunch with a huge bulge in it's long body.

My Brookie hard at work arranging flowers for me.

An injured moth the kids found and cared for.

A perfect evening in the neighborhood...new friends and a picturesque sky. I do not believe these things were accidental. Thank you, God for showing me your blessings! Please continue to show me the wonders of your creation and the joys of your love!

Everyday Beauty

My house would be beautiful if we never did anything. But we do, all the time. It's messy somewhere, all the time.

It's too hot to work on my yard and to enjoy it. Everything is dried up. Except for the weeds.

At a glance, it's a wreck here. But sometimes it's the little things that can brighten up my day.

Spreading The Love

I currently have four girls in the house- 5,6,7, and 8. One word. Drama.

This morning after an epic showdown, Savannah and I had a discussions about self control. She asked, " WHY do I always make the bad choice?"

So we talked about what we could do when we start to get angry.
1. Recognize that Satan wants you to get angry and hit. Don't listen to him.

2. God is love. Say it over and over until you can be like God, use his love to love instead of hurt.

After lunch, I sent Savannah downstairs to fold laundry because she needed to separate herself from everyone again. She reacted in anger at first, but when I went down the stairs I saw a pillowcase with something in it and a note.

"Dear whoever saw this note,

Open the present behind me. If it is a basketball, play with it in the park.

Love you, From Savannah."

It made me smile.

One angry response seems to upset the whole house...maybe one loving response can repair it?

That's what we are working on today.

If You Let Wendi Clean Your Bathroom

If you let Wendi clean your bathroom,

she'll start by collecting cleaning stuff. She may or may not be able to find a clean rag to scrub with.

After she finally finds a rag, she will attempt various cleaning agents. Eventually she will conclude she might as well just scrub the entire shower with Comet.

When the entire shower has been scrubbed, she will attempt to turn on the shower and rinse the Comet away. The shower cannot reach every spot where the comet is, so she will alternate rinsing and wiping with her lone rag until every last speck of Comet has been washed down the drain.

When she is sure that all of the Comet has been rinsed, she will then follow up with Windex. When she is Windexing the glass doors, she sees gunk stuck in the little crevices of corners. She leaves the bathroom to get a bamboo skewer, when Max follows her back to the bathroom.

When Max joins her in the bathroom, he will attempt to unroll the entire roll of toilet paper so Wendi will remove the toilet paper roll and put it up high on the windowsill.

As she puts the toilet paper on the window sill, she notices spots of paint on her wood work. Then she will go to get a Magic Eraser. She will scrub with the Magic Eraser, but will not be able to get all of the paint off, so she will get a razor blade.

Max will entertain himself by opening and shutting the shower door, so she will dry the floor of the shower in order to keep Max from falling.

After the window sill is paint free, Wendi will clean the toilet. When she cleans the toilet, she notices how dirty the floor is. She looks for her rag. When she cannot find her rag, she will leave and go find another. When a fresh rag is found, she will spray the floor with ammonia, and scrubs every last millimeter of floor. Then she will hope that the ammonia didn't mix with the Clorox spray.

While she is scrubbing the floors, she notices more paint on the base boards, so she gets her Magic Eraser and razor blade to scrape off the paint on the base boards. She will probably be on all 4's squeezed between the shower and the toilet when Max climbs on her back and walks back and forth from her back to the toilet lid, her back to the toilet lid.

While Max is climbing on the toilet, he may notice the toilet paper on the window sill above the toilet and climb up the toilet tank.

When he climbs up the toilet tank, Wendi is forced to stop her paint scraping. She will pick him up, toss him on the bed.

As she walks back into the bathroom, she will see all the dirt on the white door to the bathroom. She will take about 5 minutes to find where she left her Magic Eraser, and then wipe down the door. By this time, Max will have probably made it back to the shower.

When Max climbs back in the shower, Wendi will need to shut the door and lock him in there until her cleaning is done.

Once Wendi finds her rag once again, she will need to rinse it out one more time and wipe everything down. She will want to put away all of her cleaning things, and get Max out of the shower.

2.5 hours later, the smallest room in the house is clean.

A Few More of My Favorite Things

Since I am not very organized and have overbooked myself every single day, I have to use my strength (creativity) to find ways to make it.

Prayer is no. 1. Days where I ask God for directions always go smoother and not to my glory, believe me.

A coffee shop with a play area. 20 minutes to read a devotional and plan the day. It works way better for me if I am out of the house.

Jelly Telly and What's In The Bible with Buck Denver. One of my goals for last year was to lay out a time line of biblical events so we could understand the Bible better. Phil Vischer made my life so much easier by creating these programs.

IXL Math- This works for us. I don't need to print off dozens of worksheets or buy books, we've got it covered here.

Giggle Learn- Love this.

A family membership to children's museums. We have one for Wonderscope. If you get the bigger package, you can also get free admission at other children's museums like Exploration Place, the Magic House, and Science City. This is well worth the money!

Zoo passes are great, too. Again, worth the money and you can visit a less amount of exhibits and just enjoy without feeling guilty.

YMCA family memberships. I find this as a great value, since childcare is not extra. We can go to any YMCA in the KC area and they try to find the best deal for you. I get a break from the kids but they are still right there, and I get a little hit of endorphins. Some also have indoor pools so we will be taking advantage of that this fall!

Get involved in a church! Many opportunities and blessings come from a church family. Again, they have childcare (YAAAAAY!) While I have my spirit refreshed. My church is Grace Christian Fellowship.

It is no secret that there is not a mother out there that does not get overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, mad, and cannot possibly be everything to everyone that needs her so....why not stop trying to be a super mom and take a break when you can? It took one whole year of homeschooling to figure this out. I hope this year will be an improvement!

The Sunrise, The Sunset

I woke, without alarm, just in the right time. I promptly got up and went to look out my sliding glass door. I was just going to sit on the floor and look out the window, but the sunrise was positioned in a way that it was necessary to actually go outside. It was like a beckoning, come a little closer, come and experience the fullness of this sky art.

What a blessing. I didn't want to move, but camera was just on the other side of the sliding door so I took a few seconds to go get it. My pictures don't do it justice.

It started out very bland but over the eight minutes or so I sat there it intensified greatly. The clouds that covered the blue above the morning colors made it even more beautiful! The morning air was so refreshing compared to the hot, humid summer days. The only thing I could do was praise God. I could have stayed longer but I knew I should go get some more sleep- a precious commodity for me. Maybe I will tomorrow.

*********************************************************************************

As the day was winding down, I was reading Alice in Wonderland to the children and Summer pulled open the curtains in the living room. Not just the sky, but the entire evening light was tinted in pink. We sat outside for a few minutes. Again, the air was cool. Children were still enjoying the last minutes of the day. Joy filled my heart again, just as the sunrise did.

 I don't live in a place where the majority of the world would know for it's natural beauty, but Kansas is definitely a beautiful place. Taking time to enjoy it is the key.

One Of My Favorite Things: Menu Writing

About a year ago while I was on bed rest I was so frustrated because I never had meals ready. I would go through the day, completely unorganized and then everyone is hungry so.....hummmmm McDonald's??

Until I realized that I'm a dietitian! I write menus all the time when I'm at work so why wouldn't I do the same here? It helped so much. I have a very loose 4 week cycle. I'm working on updating it now. Interested?? Here are some menu writing pointers:

• Go through your recipes and start jotting them down in categories: Entrees, sides, desserts.
• Create a table for one week; breakfast, lunch, and supper.
• Start with the entrees. Fill something in for each meal. Try to consider kind of protein source for variety, cost, and amount of time it takes.
• Then fill in sides. Go for a variety of color. Try new veggies. They should fill up 1/2 of your plate!
• Don't worry about getting it perfect at first. Mark the meals that really work with a highlighter and make changes to the ones that don't.
• It's okay if you don't follow it exactly- the point is that you will be prepared for something each meal of the week!

This takes time but will save you bunches later on. Make a grocery list of everything you need each week and save it on your computer. Each week, print it off and cross off anything you don't need to buy. There is you list and you know you have enough food for one week. No need to run to McDonald's- unless you really want to. Plus when I follow this I have just enough food, less waste, less overeating, and better cost controls.

Weeds

My optimism is a defense mechanism because hopelessness is so depressing and depression is debilitating and I've just got to get things done.

I have heard Christians say that they wish Eve wouldn't have sinned so we wouldn't have weeds. (um, I think weeds are annoying, but sin has produced way worse!)

But hey, God can make bad things work for good. So weeds can be a good thing.

• Pulling weeds is stress reliving. Good thing I have so many weeds to relieve all of my stress! (I wish folding laundry had the same affect)
• Hard work really makes things more beautiful. Even though a visitor may not think much of my flower bed, It is gorgeous to me!
• You get to discover a whole new tiny world down there. You may even start talking to them depending on how stressed you are. (I was apologizing to a worm today.)
• Since I usually won't just sit outside when there is stuff to do inside, this gives me a reason to sit and do little while accomplishing much. Fresh air does a body good.

So there you have it. Weeds can work for the good.

Purpose

These beliefs are what keep me going.

1.God made us with a purpose in mind, and made us to fit that purpose. The things that excite us, the things that keep us going do this for a reason - because we were made to do things, and to like the things we do.

That's why some people major in chemistry. Why would anyone do that to themselves???? If I did that, it would be very wrong for me, the thought itself is torment. But, according to one friend that did major in chemistry, it was a challenge and he actually liked it.....so is he weird for following what made him excited? Maybe, but if that is the case, normal is very boring. I'd rather talk to a chemist that loves his job than a movie star that hated his.

2.Things come into our lives at the right times to give opportunity and encouragement to do what we should do in order to fulfill the purpose that leads to a greater enjoyment of life.

Every job or opportunity that was a blessing to me has not been forced. It was the result of taking what was there to take. Not that I think being aggressive and proactive in life is a bad thing. Just knowing when to act is the key.

I school my kids at home because the thought of it thrills me, and I know that makes me weird to some people. I know this is what I am to do, for now.

Blessing upon blessing has occurred in just one year. When I need materials for a subject, the right tools, etc. I get them without much effort.

I am from the country. That is where my parents still live and I am welcome to stay almost anytime. We have the benefits of living in an urban area and visiting the country when need be!

So we've been talking about frogs and so what better way then to catch some tadpoles! Perfect timing--and not because I'm so organized. (get my drift?)

This sort of thing gets me so excited I can hardly stand it!!

3. If you are given a vision, dream, get excited about weird things, etc. you are just plain foolish to let opportunity slip through your fingers.


I have little sympathy for complainers. We all can have the same amount of help if we are willing to take it.


Oh, and by the way, this thought has recently been spoken to me in different ways, from different people that I have great respect for. Here is one....coincidence? I think not.

So, I have another dream going through my head that seems to be coming together. I'm not ready to publicly say what it is yet......

The Most Beautiful Thing in My House

I'm almost done painting the living room- FINALLY!!

I'm not ready to contact Better Homes and Gardens yet, but this was a BIG step to making it more comfortable for me. There are many things that I put in my house because I just like it.

Art and plants, mainly.

I think dust adds character, do you? :)

These aren't my favorite things, though.

The most beautiful thing in my house is the sound of laughter.

Stories....

Our lives are filled with stories. Not one story, but thousands-even millions of stories. Some take all of 2 minutes of our lives while some take decades.

Many times- most of the time the story line is out of our control. The main character- me, you, whomever' s life it is- is in control of the mood. Some stories are tragic and some heroic. Some can go through some of the most horrible situations and come out victorious. Others have minor difficulties yet can tell the most dramatic plot.

Stories can end and begin suddenly. Layoffs, pregnancies, deaths, car accidents, miracles, gifts, chance encounters can all happen in the blink of an eye and wherever your life is going takes a dramatic turn and one story ends while another begins.

There is great struggle in some stories, while others are light hearted. Depression. Excitement. Suspense. Heartache. Joy.

Frustration can come when the character of the story tries to finish it before the time comes. The husband that expects to finish the day with a hearty dinner and a quiet evening at 12 noon. The couple that plans to retire at 55 and travel together. The parents that envision their 5 year old as the first person on Mars.

I have gone through years of painful depression due to my inability to let someone else have control of where my stories will take me. Healing is such a beautiful thing.

Today my 4 year old found ants in the bathroom and she was scared of them. She told me they weren't supposed to be on the toilet but they were there because they were friends and wanted to play together.

Tomorrow, I am not sure what my story will be. Next year, my 40's, empty nesting, is a mystery. Life is an adventure. What I can be sure of is this. What I have today is a blessing and I will always cherish today. I will never be alone. I love the Lord and His promise says that "All things work for good for those that love the Lord." The rest of my life will probably be very difficult. After that, paradise.

Vacation????

Have you ever had a conversation like this with someone?

(Man) "If my wife stays at home, I would expect the house to be clean all the time and home-cooked meals every meal."

(Me) Grrr.

Or this one:

(Man at my work) "Wendi, where have you been? on vacation or something?"

(Me thinking) "Did you not notice I was huge and pregnant about 6 weeks ago?"

(Me talking with a fake smile) "No, I've been taking care of my kids."

(Man at my work) "So you have been on vacation."

(Me) Ugh.

I've come to realize that there is no use defending it. If you haven't done it or are close to someone who does, you just don't know what it is like.

I've also learned that there is no use complaining about it. No one really wants to hear that.

But what do you do when it is constantly a 14 hour day with the kids and more work to do after that day after day? What do you do when your brain is mush, you just can't think anymore but you have to make supper because 5 children are expecting to be fed...and the dishes aren't even cleaned up from lunch?

Okay, time out. I'm not complaining, I'm getting to my point. I think. I realize that I could send a few of these kids off to school and I have put myself in this position. Believe me, I have gone over the pros and cons many times, and I believe this is what I should do, and want to do. I am going through a pessimistic phase that makes it all a little harder.

I'm back. We don't go on vacation much because of my husband's job. My vacations, however, are many little moments that I must hold on to in order to get through this. Whatever would I do if I didn't have such a wonderful husband? Our Saturday night dates in the living room get me through a week.

Girlfriends....that I don't see nearly enough. I have not made my life conducive to my outside friendships, and that I regret. However, when I do make it out there they bring me so much joy!

Sunsets. Everything must stop if I should happen to see one. Thankfully the girls are in as much awe of them as I am. Actually, clouds in general, the color of the sky. Rainbows.

A good song. Silence. Painting. Jesus. Hope. Bright blue shoes. Really good chocolate. Butterflies. Hugs. Ideas. Laughter.

I feel better now.

Paint Therapy

I must admit, I'm having a hard time right now. Post pregnancy hormones are not kind to me this time around. The mouse thing about sent me over the edge, as well as a few other things that are probably very minor to a normal person. Right now I'm really a crazy person though.

I am reading a book about birth order that I want to analyze fully when I am done with it, but I have learned a few things thus far. I think that I am a second born that started out carefree type B, but slowly took the role of the first born as I got older, which made me a hopeless perfectionist because I did not get the firstborn winner training early on. Anyway, I'm trying to go back to my roots. Or maybe I'm just going crazy. We'll see.

Art is always therapeutic for me. I was alone with the kids last night and thought they needed something to do other than put up with the crazy mama.

I put out a table cloth, paint, glitter and a few other craft supplies and left the room...except for to take a few pictures.

I told them they had to name their paintings.


Summer's is called "Beautiful Shapes"
Savannah's is called "I Love My Shapes".
Brooke's is called "Rutabaga".

And Ellie's is called "Dots Dots Are My Favorite".









It was a good time. Now I don't know what to do with them.