Detecting Bad Wisdom

I was expecting company, and for the love of that company arose the spirit of clean. I had a vision of how I wanted my house to look, each room in order. That is, except for the basement because my company would not be needing to go there. I found myself taking out clutter from the upstairs and hauling it downstairs to go through later. By the time company arrived, my house met my expectations.

Some people might read this and think that this in nothing profound. I realize that. Except for somewhere in my past I had been taught that you are not a good homemaker if you have a junk room- or a junk drawer for that matter. I am a selective perfectionist, and this one stuck. Therefore, my house was never clean and I felt defeated.

It got me thinking about how wisdom turned bad can result in no wisdom at all. Good stewardship of money can turn into an obsession and generosity dwindles. Hospitality can turn into a prideful show and serving lacks a love component. These things sound good- and are good until the tidbit of wisdom overrides God's grace and peace. I've learned the balance is found in God's promise of peace.

 

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..... (Col 3:15)

 

 

Once and a while, I ask myself if I am over- spiritualizing everything. It may even annoy people. But I have bitten off more than I can chew myself and unrest is my enemy. I have to bring everything back to God's great and perfect promises.

 

But before we can have this peace, we have to trust God completely. The best way I've learned to do this is to ask Him to help me trust, because in my weakness, trust can seem impossible.

 

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You. (Isaiah 26:3)

 



 

Now, (at least in my good times) I find myself searching for the peace in every situation.

 

Last spring, we visited one of our favorite parks- a nature center with a creek running through it. We enjoyed waking in the shallow waters, catching frogs, and hunting butterflies. A week ago, we returned to find that it was bone dry, except for a few puddles here and there. My initial reaction was sadness. Drought has challenged my peace this summer.

 

I was reminded, however, that God is so good. He will fill the creek again, and the frogs will return. It was a fantastic learning experience to talk about the effects of weather conditions and to see to floor of the creek. The day was good, and hope remained. Peace stayed firm.

 

 

 

I have enjoyed that the main room in our house is consistently cleaner than before because I gave up the expectation of perfection. It creates a more approprite environment for our family, and it helps maintain order. Overall,(not perectly, by any means)  my days have a joy that comes from being guided by peace.

 

This is my scripture to hide in my heart this week:

 

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)



House of Grace

The Bible talks about the mysteries of God. Sounds so...unattainable at first read. I was thrilled, however, when I realized that much of what God teaches are mysteries because our natural mind does not think like God's. In fact, the way God thinks is usually opposite of how I think in the natural. It is attainable, however, when we learn to look at the world through his perspective.

When we watch how God works through our life experiences, the common theme is how off we are, yet His great love remains.

Man cannot draw out a road map of how to live the perfect life. It can only come through the faith that God knows what is best for us. However, there is obedience, humility, perseverance, patience, and certain action involved as well. And these things are all mixed up in a mysterious jumble with love as an umbrella over all.

I reflected this last week over how I can encourage my children to do their best for God in any situation. I was reminded that criticism hinders creativity and induces fear, often times.

Yet, a standard needs to be set. We should strive for perfection without being perfectionists. So hard.

One mystery that pays many times over is grace. Undeserved favor.

I want my house to be a house of grace. This is one way to pave a life experience that opens the path for Christ to show himself. Not just grace to my own children, but as a part of life.

Show grace to other children.
Show grace to my spouse.
Show grace to neighbors and friends.
Show grace to our leaders.
Show grace to our church.
Show grace to our enemies.
Show grace to those that don't agree with us.
Show grace to family members.
Show grace to your first grade teacher that said you weren't smart.
Show grace to those that belittle you.
Show grace to yourself.

God knows, there are so many times that I have been the one in need of grace, and there are times that I was misunderstood- even with good intentions.There are those that don't understand my circumstances. I have been judged, but I also have received grace that I can't comprehend. I thank God for those that have given it to me.

Thank God for grace.

Bless You!

I am convinced more and more each day of the fact that God loves beauty, and truly beautiful things bless God. God uses beauty to bless us. We bless God by expressing our gifts through beauty. Beauty and God just go together.

I am absolutely certain that chaos itself does not produce beauty. If you are unsure of this, come see my house. (I did a little experiment on the issue and went and had four kids) However, I do think we can find beauty in the chaos.

There are days that I can't provide beauty for my family. There are times that in trying to make something beautiful, I make more of a mess. (not beautiful)

I was overly tired and crampy when the meltdown began last weekend. I was being a selfish brat. I was spent and then some. And that's when I said, "I hate this house!" (opposite of beautiful)

There are a lot of reasons why I said that. Looking back, I realize the majority of the last ten years I have spent hating this house. I seldom can muster up thanksgiving for it, even when I see pictures of people in their grass huts. Some days I think I might prefer a grass hut.

But the problem is that my family and I live in this house, and I love my family. I want them to live in a blessed house, not a cursed one.

I got some sleep. I prayed a lot.

With a refreshed spirit, I stepped outside this morning and blurted out loud, "Bless this house."

I kinda shocked myself, then smiled, took a deep breath, and listed to the birds in the cool(er) morning air. I was suddenly joyful.

Doesn't attitude make a world of difference?

I was also reminded of how important it is to bless my family with my words. Words are beautiful, too.

Now, I had fantastic parents that love me very much, so please don't get me wrong. But many of my childhood memories lack spoken blessings. I was surrounded by complainers and those that compare,  and gossipers -at some point or another. I think that I am still seeing the effects of those words. I don't believe compliments easily. I have a hard time receiving other people's blessings. Words killed my hope. Thank God for His redemption.

So, even on the days that I cannot provide physical beauty for my family, on the days that I have loads of laundry to fold, nasty toilets, burnt up flowers in the yard, and I serve frozen pizza while I still have pajamas on, I can speak blessings over my family. This kind of beauty may just produce more beauty... and continue for the rest of their lives. It's like planting seeds of goodness.

And I probably shouldn't stop in my own house. People need to be encouraged.

Fill your home with beautiful words.

Menu Planning

We have to eat. If we don't plan, we will still eat (most of the time). But we eat on the run or not enough or too much or get too hungry and then overeat or go to fast food and usually spend to much on too little nutritional value. Plus, it makes preparing to food a chore.

But if we do plan, the meals are healthier, it is more calm, you usually save money, and you might even enjoy it. I think it also might help with less fighting due to bad moods due to hunger. It does for me anyway.

Because I love food and because menu planning is part of my away from home job, I find a menu cycle the best way for our family. Our children love to cook as well, and it is beginning to work for my advantage.

So as I prepare to start another school year, I decided simple is the key. We are starting with a two week cycle.

1. Make a table on a large piece of paper. If you can see it all at once it is easier to make a more balanced menu. For instance, you can space your Mexican style meals out throughout the two weeks and not all within three days. I included breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

2. Get the kids to make a list of their favorite foods to eat, to make, or foods they would like to try. Getting the kids involved in every aspect of eating will encourage them to try more foods and they may even like them better just because they had a part of the process!

3. Start with your most important meal of the day (different for all families) and just write entrees. Look for variety and save your easiest meals for the most hectic times of the day. Also, think of what can be made ahead of time. Then finish the rest of the entrees. 

4. Fill in with sides. Think of what your meal will look like. Try to have as many colors as possible in one meal and use different textures- but also stay as simple as possible! If these meals start out too complicated, it won't work. If they cost too much to make, they won't work. Start simple and add to it later if you think you can take on more.

5. We decided to designate Friday nights as "Family Meal Nights". I hope to really encourage trying new foods on these nights. Sometimes we might have a theme or I might have just one chef plan it and be in charge of preparing. We will be studying new cultures this year in school and foods will be involved, so that might determine what we will eat. However we do it, it will be a guaranteed meal together as a family with the table set and maybe even some fancy dishes.

6. Type your final menu on printing paper and put it somewhere in the kitchen. It could be hanging on your refrigerator or you can put in in a three ring binder along with the recipes. You can even separate the recipes by the week if you want.

7. This does not have to be a strict menu- switch it up if needed or ignore one if you are going out that night or serving leftovers instead. One of the benefits, however, is a fairly consistent grocery list and the peace of knowing that there is something to make if it is needed.

8. If your family feels as if you are eating the same foods all the time, add a third and/or fourth week. However, my goal is to start simple so we shall start with only two. Also, the repitition may help aquire a taste for certain foods and if they help prepare the food, they will be more comfortable with familiar recipes to begin with.

For us, a family- approved cycle menu takes some of the stress out of "just living", brings our family closer together, improves the quality of our food, and helps us stay in budget. Then we can move on to spending time on even more exciting things!

Be Still

Currently, the commotion around here is more than I like when I write, but appropriate for a small house with five children (my niece, Ellie spent the weekend with us). The good thing, though is that I usually have mulled everything over enough that I think I can get it down.

Writing helps me organize my thoughts. I've found it essential to making anything of what is in my head. Sometimes it is in a journal or a word document or a note to someone- or in blog form.

Today, with plenty of interruptions, I will get them down in abbreviated form as a result of thoughts that came in silence. God has given me big dreams with adequate talents. Anything lacking is made up for with dependence on his powerful plan.

We celebrated Pentecost today, which was a nice addition to my thoughts. Which is, in a nutshell, that whenever God reveals something to me in His silent voice, it is quiet in my physical surroundings and in my thoughts. Be still and know that I am God. I thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit.

So my challenge for this month (a month long goal for myself because most of it will not be spent in my own home) is to create a relaxing place to be still. I'll probably have more than one to accommodate different situations.

I love my deck as the sun is coming up in the morning before the household awakes. Couple that with a cup of coffee and I have a great start. It would be even better if I could get in a walk around the block...

We've moved our room to the basement, which I plan to make into a little studio for Sook and I- a place of refuge, probably a quiet time after lunch.

Every one's favorite spot in the house is on the couch in the living room. This is best for me right after the kids go to bed- so I'm available if they need me prior to falling asleep. Right now my living room is jumbled- very lived in but not so relaxing.

In a lifestyle filled with noise, activity, and interruptions, Mamas need quiet time. In a world where there is too much to do and too little time, quiet must be coveted, even fought for. More is accomplished, visions are created, prayers are said, and purposes revealed. The soul, mind, body, and spirit will be blessed. And a happy mama= a happy family.

Talking to Bear and Other Fun Things

First of all, I think the smell of lilacs just put me in a good mood.

 Almost all of my flowers right now are purple...not on purpose. But the last of my tulips make me smile. The little tree shoots in the background do not make me smile, but I'll ignore them right now.

 Painting is always fun.

 This pot art courtesy of....

 Ellie. Happy, happy, happy day.

 Frisbee with Max.

 Sidewalk chalk...the entire box used up. And I'm so blessed to have a friend that gets right down with my kiddos. and looses herself in their play.

 Future artist, no doubt. I love watching her work.

 And talking to bear. Bear is my hero. He can change my son's mood almost instantly.

"Let's talk to bear!" It has to be one of the best activities to do, right under eating a sucker.

Bear is very talented. He reads books and can jump into bead. He calms down Max when he is hurt. He is our mediator when I can't get through to Max. Max will tell bear anything.

Bear lets him bite his nose and leave him on the floor.

Bear plays fair.

When Bear is tired, Max will go to bed.

And will accommodate any sleeping position.

But he gets the best kisses from Max.

Talking to Bear is a perfect way to end a great day.

Summer's Room

"It's not doing the things we like to do, but liking the things we have to do that makes the difference" -Goethe

I'm starting slowly... but here is what I'm starting with.

1) Start the day by making beds. Everyone helps.
2) Don't start the day by asking God to bless me. He already has. Instead, ask, "How can I bless today?"
3) Start by using what I have.

We are re-arranging the whole house, and Summer has chosen to have her own room. This is so exciting for me because I could decorate it Summer style.

She's my daisy. Flowers is her style.

 Hanging flowers over her desk. I'm not sure why the calendar says March.

I painted this chair sloppy style last night so it would just get done. She is in love.

They worked super hard on paper flowers. We glued them on cardboard panels and used whatever paper we could find.

Summer also likes candy. This is her picture of a lollipop she did a few weeks ago.

Everyone helped me with this curtain for her bunk bed we made from an old flat sheet.

 We sewed panels, sewed on buttons, and drew pictures with sharpies. Summer did the stems and leaves.

The skinny panels were from scraps. they are used to tie the curtain back.

These are origami flowers made from scrapbook paper. I'm not done with this yet....

So now I have ONE room that I am almost in love with.

Today I'm thankful for:

1)Ellie is here!

2)Wonderful weather!

3)New visions

More On Homemaking

So I have this friend that I love... we have an uncanny relationship sometimes. She didn't know that we have decided not to move for now, and texed me today saying,

I had a dream that you did something special to your house and you loved it now! I didn't know you weren't moving but my dream kinda did. I bet you do something fun to it this summer!

I take that as an affirmation. So, I did a little research tonight. My sources are not in depth, but really, homemaking is a little subjective. But one thing can be sure: Homemakers are always in demand and the pay is zip. (Unless you count kisses and stickers and an occasional bouquet- sometimes dandelions, sometimes roses, and sometimes your own flowers from the backyard).

This is Wikipedia's list of responsibilities:



The job of a homemaker is to take care of a family and the place where the family lives. The usual things that a homemaker does are:

• Planning meals
• Buying food
• Preparing and cooking food
• Serving food
• Washing-up after meals
• Cleaning the house
• Doing seasonal cleaning like washing all the curtains
• Decorating (arranging the furniture and ornaments, and choosing the colours of things)
• Washing clothes
• Ironing clothes
• Mending clothes (and sometimes making them)
• Shopping for new clothes and other family needs
• Getting children and partners ready for school and work
• Preparing lunches
• Volunteering for school canteen and other jobs
• Bathing and dressing children
• Feeding babies
• Wiping noses and bottoms
• Playing with children
• Comforting babies, children and partners
• Doing first aid
• Caring for sick people
• Caring for pets
• Listening to people's stories of their day
• Giving good advice
• Entertaining guests
• Remembering everybody's birthday.
• Driving the kids to school, sport etc.
• Helping with homework
• Supervising music practice
• Reading storybooks
• Stopping fights
• Finding lost things
• Fixing everything that goes wrong
• Remembering everything that everyone else has forgotten
• Putting people to bed
• Kissing people goodnight
• Cleaning out the garage

Gotta love Wikipedia.

Here is Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
¹¹The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
¹²She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
¹³She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
¹⁴She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
¹⁵She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
¹⁶She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
¹⁷She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
¹⁸She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
¹⁹She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
²⁰She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
²²She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
²³Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
²⁴She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
²⁵Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
²⁹Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
³⁰Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

When I think of a well kept home, I think of a refuge. Safety, comfort, health, encouragement, and peace.  I also think there needs to be room for personal growth and developing skills in a positive environment. There needs grace for failure and adequate resources.

Overwhelming...yep. I learn best when I teach, so I will share as I learn, not pretending that I have achieved success. I'm not sure how to measure success, and I tend to be hard on myself. If I post something about cleaning, that does not mean my house is clean. It is just something that I learned about cleaning.


I will be on the lookout for good examples and ideas. And like any good homeschool mom, I will use Laura Ingalls Wilder as a reference because currently Mrs. Wilder (Almonzo's mother) is my hero.

These are the categories I came up with:

1. Food (health, recipes, menus, utensils, kitchen)
2. Gardening
3. Money Management (budget, shopping, earning, investing, saving)
4. Clothing (purchase, make, care)
5. Teaching (pretty much anything)
6. Serving and Giving
7. Cleaning and Decorating (homemade supplies/decorations, time, assigning chores)
8. Strength and Honor (self care, spiritual strength, honorable decisions, encouragement)
9. Building up family (words, memories, husbands, children)
10. Fitness (fun activities, health)

And I'll leave you with our story of tonight's bedtime:

Brooke: Mom, I have a problem. Anna (stuffed wolf) is MISSING!

Me: She's downstairs. Remember? You were being naughty and I told you to go downstairs and instead of obeying right away, you went to get Anna and then stomped all the way downstairs.

Brooke: Yes but what you don't know is that after that I brought her back upstairs and what I was eating supper SHE WAS WITH ME!

Me: Oh. So...where did you put her after supper?

Brooke: I don't know.

Me: So do you think she ran away and is hiding from you?

(Conversation going on at the exact same time while dressing Max for bed)

Me: Max, I need to find a shirt for you.

Max: Wite dere.

Me: No. That is a pair of pants.

Max: Wite here? Dis is not pants. Dis is a shirt. (giggle)

Brooke: Mom! Don't you know that Anna is a stuffed animal. That means she cannot walk unless YOU hold her and make her do it. Just like talking. She doesn't really talk but you have to talk for her.

Me: Really? Bear talks to me.

Max: No, no, no. Dis is a hat. (puts his pants on top of his head and cracks up.)

(Enter Savannah and Summer)

Me: Girls, we have an emergency.

Girls: What?

Me: Anna is missing. We must find her immediately and I expect everyone to help.

Summer: (waves her harmonica that she found in her junk downstairs) THIS is an emergency call. (plays harmonica very badly).

(feet scamper)

Savannah: I. Have. A. Surprise. See???? (She holds up Anna)

Summer: (plays her harmonica a little better) This is a song saying that the emergency is over.

(Everyone is happy. Mama orders the brushing of teeth, tucks everyone in bed, listens to one last story, says prayers, gives medicine that she forgot to give earlier, gets a drink for someone, gives kisses. One more story. Bandages a bleeding scratch. Another kiss. Another tuck. Lights out. Silence.)

Good night.

Today.

A while back I left my camera outside and it got rained on. Now it doesn't work. So excuse my phone pics...

There was a moment today I had to capture from my seat on the couch.

Summer did great on math- so I told her to do more. She was less than thrilled.

Max was very busy lining up blocks.

Brookie was rough housing with Daddy.

And then she kicked over Max's blocks. This is her in time out trying to look ticked.

Not very convincing.

Savannah was playing with this...............whatever it is.

For a looooooooooooong time.

These moments all together. Relatively happy. Comfortable. In the presence of those that love us.

I love that feeling.

Siestas and Tapas

The summer before my senior year in college, I was privileged to spend eight weeks in Spain. It was a Spanish 4 class trip. I am surprised they let me go. When I told my Spanish 3 teacher that I was going, she said, "Good. You need the practice." Ha.

I can't speak Spanish- and I never really could. I have many stories of the stupid American girl trying to make her way through Granada. But I got a B in the class!

I have a secret. I didn't really go for the class.

Oh, it was worth whatever it took to get there. The food, the wine, the flowers, the cobblestone street I walked on to have a high carb breakfast and coffee, it was divine. I learned much more than what the class taught me.

I noticed that overall they didn't have as much as I was used to. Most families lived in apartments, they walked or took the bus- but didn't drive a car, and had no air conditioning. And they were okay with that. I don't remember grumbling (unless it was about stupid Americans).  People were friendly, relaxed, and content.

All of the shops closed from 2-6 for "siesta time" which included a large lunch that would last over an hour because of lively talk and a few glasses of wine. Next, there was time for a siesta (a nap), and then refreshed and back to work they go.

Often times, our evening meals were tapas: small meals that went well with a drink or two. There was dancing, sometimes in the town plaza, random guitar players, and wonderful music.

I have wondered if the reason why, in a country where most meals include bread dipped in olive oil and wine as their water, the people are so much thinner and healthier? Could it be due to their attitudes and priorities? Siestas and tapas?

I have heard it said several times in one way or another that God is not so interested in our goals, but in the process. Do we value the process? Are we wishing for the goal so that our lives will be better, or are we interested in having a better life as is- right now?

What would that look like here? Siestas really are not an option- but chillin' with my kiddos next to dozens of reminders of what needs to be done provides some rest. What about a coming together at a meal to talk, engage in people, laugh? Is it possible in our culture? I think so, but it may seem a little weird to people around us. But I'm already weird, so who cares?!

We work so hard so that we can relax. Please, don't get me wrong. I value hard work. But maybe our hard work is for the wrong reasons. Maybe there is a better way. Maybe we need to enjoy the process, see God at work in every day little things. Value people more than money. Learn to put up our feet when work is staring you in the face. Stay healthy and happy. Hear from God - and tell Him what we think. Thank Him for what we see now that we've actually looked. Rest in His promises.

Summer and I have agreed that Tuesdays are her night to say up a little later with me. She insists that it is with me, and I'm glad that she does.

This week we played Angry Animals, cuddled, and made this picture together:

I said, "Summer, you look like a princess singing next to the river."

And she said, "Well, yes but I'm a princess eating a hamburger."

I'd much rather be looking at a princess singing by the river eating a hamburger.

Hello, My Name Is Wendi

I realize this is post #260 but there are some things that I would like to say in my defense to a few particular people who, of course, will never read this. Therefore, I will subject you to it. Lucky you.

My name is Wendi DeAnn Suderman Siyajuck. Since my childhood, I've had a wonderful family. My parents raised me to the best of their ability despite the hardships (which every family has at some level or another). They taught me good values and something to believe in, gave me unconditional love which is more valuable to me than anything material, and never made me feel small or worthless. I always knew I was loved. I was not only well fed and given a roof over my head, but I was valued as a family member and I always felt comfortable in my own home. Even now, my brother and sister and I show love in our own ways, not because we feel obligated or that we owe anyone anything, but because we truly love each other.

I grew up on a farm. A PIG farm. I washed out hog barns, fed pigs, gave shots, clipped teeth and castrated piglets. I butchered chickens and showed bucket calves while living under my parent's roof. I learned to cook early and helped often. My parents work hard and taught me to as well. I painted the house when I was young and mowed cemeteries with my brother in high school. I am not scared of working and I actually enjoy hard labor from time to time.

On the flip side, I love beautiful things I love order, art, nice clothes, a new hairdo, a nice smell, and flowers. I wish I could have these things all of the time. My family is Mennonite, which may not mean much to the average person, but in a nut shell, they take care of things, I dare say, better than most. They don't waste anything and are very crafty with their hands. This is within me as well.

I have a strong faith in God which has allowed me to worry less. I know eventually things come together. It always does. Please don't mistake this for ignorance. I am an adult, and I am intelligent. I am intelligent enough to know my abilities don't cut it when it comes to life. I need a God that takes care of me, and that is what I have. So I don't worry much about where life will take me or how things are going to be fixed. I know other parents gasp when my children are dare devils and how they play...but guess what? They have fun and no broken bones yet. And if it does happen? Is it the end of  the world? I don't worry about that either. But I become the overprotective mom when it comes to emotions. I am sensitive and have had feelings painfully hurt and so I am like a bird watching over her nest of chicks when it comes to my kids' minds. I am picky about what they watch or what people they are with.

My personality is not evident immediately. I am a right brained introvert. People don't always get me and frequently misunderstand me as a person. I have been called snobby and stuck up. I have been mistaken for being slow in the mind, or that I just don't care. Do you know, when people are not talking they are thinking? And thinking often produces more than talking. I see things from a different perspective so I just do things differently. I don't think that is wrong. Just different. I am quite sure I have a bit of adult ADD, but have not pursued much medically mostly because if I did take any medication, I would inevitably forget to take it. It isn't severe but I am aware of it. I hate talking on the phone because the slightest distraction makes it impossible to hear. I forget what I am doing often and I tend to lose things...every half hour or so. I avoid loud venues because I can't enjoy the conversation. I think I lost a boyfriend once simply because, in the middle of a cold football game, he suggested that we stay warm by cuddling. I didn't hear what he said so I smiled and continued to watch the game. Years later it hit me that I completely blew him off.

That's okay, though, because I met and married the right man for me. When we met, I liked him for many reasons. He was handsome and funny, but most of all he just liked me. He was okay with my silent spells and quirky joys. He thought I looked good in jeans and tank top with my hair tied back and little makeup. What this said to me was he didn't like something I was trying to be, he just liked me. And that was that. We got married and had a baby in the baby carriage. Times four. He is my world! I know I don't do things like he is used to but he adapts to me and defends me. I would do anything I could if I knew it would make him happy, and I know he does so much for me. He, as well, has his way of doing things that I don't always understand. However, when I just let him do his job, well, it works out beautifully.

I am not naturally prone to loving children, but I always knew I would love my own. And I do! The work they make is nothing compared to the joy they bring! However, that does not mean that they are not work, for they are. Getting up and breakfast takes an hour most days. Every meal takes at least 45 minutes. Bed time from start to finish 1 hour 15 minutes. Laundry, dishes, ouchies, books, teachable moments, refereeing, picking up, sweeping, entertaining, doctor appointments, friends over, toy maintenance, picture taking, bed making...well, it fills in the gaps. So remember how I love beautiful things? Priorites. My children are more important than my things. One day I will be able to watch my favorite shows, as well as keep an orderly house, but the last eight years I've had no such luck. Oh yeah, and I teach them too. So when my husband comes home to laundry piled on the floor and dishes in the sink with his tired wife in glasses and pajamas, he still knows my value. And I his. Cause if he can look at me like this and still hug me, he's a keeper.

I don't prefer to be given much. I like to earn what I have because people may expect something from me if a gift is given. The exeption is when I trust that the giver truly is giving and not putting in a deposit and demanding a suprise refund later, making me look like a fool. I do not appreciate being made guilty over somthing I didn't ask for in the first place.

I have my dietetics registration. I love food, but not only because I love to eat or I love to cook, but it is the center of everything. I am eclectic and I love wholistic living, in which food lies. Food is an art, beautiful to all senses. It is fun to grow, make, and eat, and it is truly amazing how it is used to sustain life. I am in awe of how the proper use of food can help produce a healthy mind, body, and spirit. However, it is often frustrating to me how emotions and environments can negatively affect eating habits, which ultimately leads to family. A healthy family will poduce healthy kids. So family will always trump food. I say this to reinterate the value of spending time serving family- with food and otherwise.

I have experienced prejudice before- because of my faith or because I was from the country or because of my race. Caucasians have their steryotypes, too. It always hurts.

If anyone feels the need to find my shortcomings, they don't have to look hard. However, I assure you, there is more than meets the eye. Nothing hurts me worse than being accused for something that isn't true about me. Nothing means more to me than when someone is patient enough to find the hidden jewel in me. Everyone has them, however some are easier to see than others.

My spoken words would never be elloquent enough to effectively relate this to anyone that doubts me. My written, unheard response gives me peace.

Serving.....

I believe, is a lost art. I work in the "service" world and quite frankly, the people I've watched suck at it. How do you TEACH adults to serve? It's darn hard, almost impossible, when all we think of is ourselves.

Some people have a gift, like my niece. She has in mind every one's favorite foods, colors, TV shows, songs, birthdays, and anniversaries and gets a thrill out of doing something to make those she loves smile. I hope she never loses this.

I have to be reminded that my inconvenience is not really that big of a deal. I can work five minutes longer to clean off a table, or put on a smile to make someone more comfortable, or just "forget" to complain about some one's lack of graces.

And, (my conviction) if I'm a serving mama, my kids will more likely pick it up too. If I'm a lazy self seeking mama.... lazy kids (unless you are really good at "making" your kids do something they don't want to and then when they don't have you looking over their shoulder...lazy kids.)  I believe that the character we teach our children is more valuable than the information we teach them. I'm NOT there yet, but I do believe serving is a worthy goal for any family to have.

Boredom

So it's hot outside and money is tight. I'm running out of ideas and can't keep up with the housework and entertain our two extra guests.

Did I mention we don't own a TV? I remember the day my 13" TV blanked out when everything went HD and without the converter box we were left in the digital dust. No regrets. Not that owning a TV is bad! We simply didn't need the temptation and I couldn't figure out a way to position my furniture with a TV in the living room.

I went to get my tire fixed a few days ago and was forced to watch the designated channel on the television for an hour and a half. eh. It kept me entertained but I was wishing I had brought a good book instead.

I have met more than one school aged child that didn't even know how to put a puzzle together. That makes my blood boil- not towards the child but that our lives in general have come to this. So then I love TV even less. Especially the mindless cartoons that actually make the kids stupider, like the one that has a male "cow" with utters.

Boredom is not a bad thing! It is an opportunity to be creative. It opens the world to make believe and problem solving. It challenges the mind to explore new possibilities. Children should be bored from time to time.

Tonight I walked in on Savannah cracking up to her 101 Dalmatians book.
Two nights ago we took turns reading Shel Silverstien poems.
I have, more than once, caught Brooke playing make believe with her crayons, "Pinkie", "Orangeish", and "Greenest". Or anything else she can form a storyline with.
Monopoly, Checkers, Rumikub, and Solitaire are actually played.
Hundreds of masterpieces have graced my refrigerator.
Dozens of stories have been written.
Inventions are created.
Energy is expended, coordination is developed.
Puzzles have been conquered.
Memories are made.

Take heart. You can function without the latest technology or money to spare. They will amaze you.

Brookie was making "houses" all week by taking a stool, turning it on it's side, placing a blanket on top and a pillow underneath. She made one for all the small children, but told me she could not make one big enough for me.

Today, they put their heads together (with the help of my 12 year old niece) and made a 4 room house under the dining table:

It was fun. And they cleaned it up before supper!

Maybe, when they are older, we will go ahead and buy a new TV. Or maybe we will be so used to not having one we won't have the desire to.

Everyday Beauty

My house would be beautiful if we never did anything. But we do, all the time. It's messy somewhere, all the time.

It's too hot to work on my yard and to enjoy it. Everything is dried up. Except for the weeds.

At a glance, it's a wreck here. But sometimes it's the little things that can brighten up my day.

Conviction Alert

Moms, we are so surrounded by the "me" mentality and I'm afraid we're on the wrong track. Some of us are as whiny as the two year olds we're too lazy to discipline.

Sorry, that was my conviction but it probably applies to others as well. I know I'm not that exceptional.

A good mom is incredibly strong in spirit, stubborn in her convictions, a force one will only challenge temporarily. She fears very little and is in control of her emotions at all times. Her children respect her soft spoken voice and crave her warm hugs because of her authority. Her husband is confident in his children and household because she takes responsibility.

It sounds unfair, doesn't it? According to my conviction, we have two choices. We can gripe about our responsibilities, our children, and our husbands. We can whine, making us weaker, falling into a pit of self pity, starting a chain reaction of miserable behavior for the rest of the family. We make our husbands feel guilty and like failures, causing confusion with our mysterious emotions, and our children insecure with every mood. Then they react negatively since they are the CHILDREN who don't know how to process their emotions alone and make our day exponentially worse.

The second choice is to fight like mad to stay warm, happy, and responsible. Like mad. Never give up. Fight any negative action or word that enters into her household, whether we are the ones that produced it or not. Guard our walls from anger, jealousy, fear, and failure in order to produce a refuge inside. Hold on to our faith as if our lives depend on it. Detect all unfruitful items and clean until spotless. Then we will rest in the delight of our labor and instill confidence and joy inside each member of the house.

Inspect all of our ideals and beliefs to make sure they are of truth. If it doesn't feel right, find out why. Know our shortcomings and face them head on. Speak daily to God and be prepared to accept conviction and take action. Be prepared to know how much God loves us and that he takes so much interest in our households that he is willing to touch a nerve and not apologize for it. Be prepared for God to show us how to reach our dreams since He is the one that made us and gave us our dreams.

Be prepared to succeed. As mothers, I believe this is our challenge. If you may be one in the future, please, please, please count the cost first. Once you have started, it is your job to finish and it is not an easy task.

I have not perfected this and I have found that once I dig in my heels and vow to fight I am attacked head on. It's easy to give up and go back to whining...but what honor is in that? Mom- your job is important. Failure is not an option. Perfection is not required. Faith in God's promises are a must.

This is my conviction that I share with you.

Happiness Is...

As parents, we are here for them and not them for us.

However, when we take our jobs seriously it seems to come back in immeasurable amounts of blessings.

Thankfully for me, it doesn't take a perfect parent. Just a parent that can sit and take in the magic of children.

Happiness is the smile on Sook's face each time I've announced we were expecting, no matter what our circumstances were.

I took the children to Half Price Books today. On the way, I announced, "I have sixteen dollars. What is sixteen divided by four?" Max repeated me, "Four!"

Happiness is listening to the cheers and laughter from my children as they commented on how smart their little brother is.

Happiness is persistent requests for praise music.

Happiness is solitaire smack talk.

Happiness is picking an impossible amount of weeds with my husband while the children run around in their swimsuits.

Happiness is a big sister posing for her little brother that insists on taking pictures.

Happiness is a cool summer night with nothing on my mind but picking clover out of my lawn.

Happiness is the messed up face Max was making while he ran up to me and said, "eeeeeeeh stinky"

Happiness is peek-a-boo while changing his diaper, and the ironic disappointment when he realized that his pink Dora pull ups were all used up.

Happiness is my two year old pushing around his Hot Wheels because his legs are just shy of pushing pedals.

Happiness is the smile on my middle daughter's face knowing she can keep up with her older sister.

Happiness is the make believe world where my children pick apart plants and leave them on the sidewalk so the birds can make mushroom soup.

Happiness it the ambition to make a pile all the way to Jupiter.

Happiness is being awarded a huge invisible candy trophy because they both were the best cowgirl princesses in the bike race.

Happiness is being offered a piece.

Happiness is wearing dress up clothes to bed.

And the quiteness just after bedtime.