Have you ever had a conversation like this with someone?
(Man) "If my wife stays at home, I would expect the house to be clean all the time and home-cooked meals every meal."
Or this one:
(Man at my work) "Wendi, where have you been? on vacation or something?"
(Me thinking) "Did you not notice I was huge and pregnant about 6 weeks ago?"
(Me talking with a fake smile) "No, I've been taking care of my kids."
(Man at my work) "So you have been on vacation."
I've come to realize that there is no use defending it. If you haven't done it or are close to someone who does, you just don't know what it is like.
I've also learned that there is no use complaining about it. No one really wants to hear that.
But what do you do when it is constantly a 14 hour day with the kids and more work to do after that day after day? What do you do when your brain is mush, you just can't think anymore but you have to make supper because 5 children are expecting to be fed...and the dishes aren't even cleaned up from lunch?
Okay, time out. I'm not complaining, I'm getting to my point. I think. I realize that I could send a few of these kids off to school and I have put myself in this position. Believe me, I have gone over the pros and cons many times, and I believe this is what I should do, and want to do. I am going through a pessimistic phase that makes it all a little harder.
I'm back. We don't go on vacation much because of my husband's job. My vacations, however, are many little moments that I must hold on to in order to get through this. Whatever would I do if I didn't have such a wonderful husband? Our Saturday night dates in the living room get me through a week.
Girlfriends....that I don't see nearly enough. I have not made my life conducive to my outside friendships, and that I regret. However, when I do make it out there they bring me so much joy!
Sunsets. Everything must stop if I should happen to see one. Thankfully the girls are in as much awe of them as I am. Actually, clouds in general, the color of the sky. Rainbows.
A good song. Silence. Painting. Jesus. Hope. Bright blue shoes. Really good chocolate. Butterflies. Hugs. Ideas. Laughter.
I feel better now.