How Big Is God?

I don't know how old I was when I prayed to let God into my life. I know where I was, and that I was young. It wasn't made into a big deal. I was already in love with God.

The God I fell in love with I learned about in my home, by way of the radio. He was huge. He gave me goosebumps.  However, while dusting and sweeping, I would hear stories of divine protection and provision. Huge miracles and blessings, taken place in the modern day. One I remember in particular was a missionary family was surrounded by enemies, and they were for sure to be overtaken. Suddenly, they turned and ran away. Later the family had found out that their enemies had seen a much greater army surrounding their house. But the family knew no army was there, except something unseen to them.

The God I fell in love with was mighty, powerful, able to do anything. But what I saw were Christians that complained, worried, feared, compared themselves to others, and made me feel very small. Some of them. Others were kind. Very few lived what they said they believed. If that was the only God I ever saw, I would never have wanted to be a part of Him. The God I fell in love with and the God I saw in those around me were very different. I was confused. I stumbled my way through life, my nose in the Bible and my feet in the world, but not going the same direction. Trying to live up to the religious and worldly standards all at once, and trying to make sense of how God fit in to all of it.

I saw God at work once and a while. Mediocre prayers were answered. I was left thinking there has to be more to this. If God sent Jesus to Earth to die on a cross, there has to be something much bigger behind all of this. Fed up with my life, I was determined to live every day for a year learning as much as I could about what the Bible says, and trusting it as law. I wanted to determine: Do I believe this or not?

That was a year and a half ago. At times, I've failed. Worried. Became discouraged. And angry. But even in my failures I have learned so much about God I just can't let him go. He is whom I fell in love with and more. He uses the weak to do mighty things. He answers my prayers. My sins have been made void. Through Him, I am a conqueror in all things. All things. Even the things I haven't had the guts to do until now, or even now.

And I take a look at my own life and think, which God to people see in me?

I want others to see the big God. I want to set no limits.

Have you read 58:Fast Living yet?
Have you read Isaiah 58 lately?

In the book, the author describes what first century Christians did to take care of the poor. Unbelievable. Some of the church today continues this sacrifice, but it isn't the norm. What if it was?

What does unconditional love look like? What does it mean?

What does no limits look like?

What does reckless abandonment look like?

What does the completion of God's promises look like?

What did Jesus's sacrifice actually benefit me? How can I use it to make a difference?

Does anyone else get excited about this? Do we just dream about heaven or do we take advantage of the favor we have right here, right now.

Do we really believe what we say we believe?

God doesn't fit in the worldly world or religion. He is way bigger than those things. He uses prostitutes and kings. He values shepherds and priests, so long as they trust Him. He has a plan for me. So excuse me if my choices seem odd. My sights are not on fitting in.

All this makes me giddy.

My goal is to find out how big God really is. I might not attain it in my lifetime, but I'm going to enjoy trying.

Christmas Bits

I told Mom that this year's Christmas was anti-climactic for me. And that's a good thing because it was good. But my life is good. Good is good.

We did our advent envelopes. It was definitely a positive thing. We are already talking about what to do next year. Maybe it's a start of a new tradition?

Christmas Eve was my Mennonite family Christmas. Christmas Eve service, followed by a family celebration....kid's songs, birthday cake, presents and food! Peppernuts, sugar cookies, chex mix, puppy chow, slushy punch, pinwheels, cheese dip, and deer jerky. It's always the same. And that's how we like it.

I'm pretty sure every single present was perfect for my family. Although I felt a little guilty for not getting the kids toys. But then when I think about how I am the one who gets to manage these toys, I don't feel anymore guilt. I got them Rosetta Stone. They'll thank me some day.

Actually, they are pretty excited. France, here we come!

Christmas day was the Lao Christmas. Family is good, no matter the food or language. It was a very nice day. They had deer jerky, too. Only it was Asian flavored. I'm guessing with fish sauce.

And there was even snow on the ground!

I sat in a very large, loud room with Lao music blaring and Pad Thai and Coronas lined up on the tables. And it hit me. It's Christmas Day. God bless America.

My third Christmas was with my extended family. Those I get to see every once and a while- but this year seemed to be more than most. Maybe even more next year?  Traditions are fun. People are a blessing.

Max keeps asking me, "sing baby Jesus?" (aka Away in the Manger). He sings along- none of the words he sings are words. Then I say, "Jesus loves Max."

"Jesus loves Max." he repeats and smiles.

And Savannah asked what a virgin is. ummmmmm.......

It was good. Mostly because God is good. And God is the reason why I have it good. And why I celebrate this season.

Wrappings

When I entered into motherhood, I didn't know what I was getting into. It has affected everything. I found out early that we can't just have kids and expect them to adapt to our lives.

On the contrary, we have adapted to them. We have allowed this to happen because we want a life together, including them in what we do. If I kept my personal expectations, I would need to exclude them because they would not meet them. They're kids.

Some days I miss my Independence. Then I remind myself that I'll have it again someday- but I'll never have these years back.

And that is why I let my kids wrap my packages.

If I wasn't so tired, I'd post a picture. But I'm sure you can imagine. It almost looks like they just crumpled a bunch of paper around a box and held it in place with a half a roll of tape. But I enjoyed watching them work.

They had to estimate the amount of paper.

"Let's cut it and then test it", Summer said.

Too big.  Too small.

Fold the angles for the sides.

Figure out how to cover the entire box.

Decorate.

Label.

Problem solving at it's best. Fun Christmas memories. Skill building. Teamwork. Achievement. I will take advantage of these times, even if recipients of our gifts may look at me funny.

So just for the record, if you are getting a gift from me this year and it looks like Mr. Noodle wrapped it, it wasn't me.

This Week

I pulled in the driveway as we returned from a weekend at Grandma's and Summer announced that she left a few of her stuffed animals.

I said, "That's okay. We'll be back in a week so we can pick up whatever we forgot. Like Brooke."

The girls burst out laughing (so did Max- but I'm sure he didn't get it).

"We forgot Brooke!!!" they yelled.

That's okay, though. Brooke has been playing in the snow and swimming and making cookies and shopping with Grandma and Ellie. She is quite happy there.

And it's very quite here. At least half of the decibels that ring through these walls come from her. I love her. But I love quiet too.

And I have these snowflakes to remind me of her. I think fondly of the time she enthusiastically created them.

And the girls have been excited to be with Dad this week as I work. In their own words:

"We like being with Daddy because he lets us do whatever we want."

And I spend a large portion of my day comparing sodium nutritionals. And loved it.

I saw my husband for three minutes before he left. But I have these flowers he gave me to remind me how blessed I am.

 And I have reminders of this Christmas week all around.

And I am enjoying it.


Lookie here. Toby Mac and Adam Young. My heart just fluttered a little. :)

Sit down. Enjoy with me!

Strange Sight

When Sook and I first met, I noticed stares. I don't know if it was my imagination or if there was something that interesting about us. Like that we were so good looking.......or we didn't share the same skin color. Probably the latter. (My husband would say the former. Fruitcake.)

I don't notice stares anymore. Maybe I don't because there aren't any- or maybe I just don't care .

Sometimes I forget I'm in the middle of a mixed marriage. I've become the minority in my house with my blue eyes and light brown hair, but I truly don't see it. And though I marvel at my children's cute chubby cheeks and Asian eyes, I see something else much more important. I can't see it with my eyes, but it's there. I see their spirit. I see sweetness, spunkiness, curiosity, and compassion.

Something happens when you get to know and love a person so well. The lens of vision focuses on a part you cannot see. The other is still there, it's just a little blurred.

That is how God see me. He looks past my glasses and split ends. He is blind to my scattered brain. He does not define me based on my cooking or driving skills. He doesn't even think less of me when I am a horrible brat. Because He has paid for my sins and shortcomings, I look to Him as if sin had no effect. He sees me as I was made to be. Beautiful and successful, just like all of us humans. I receive that. I love that. I love God for that, because I know how I look otherwise.

But what I have seen now is astonishing. God is showing me how He sees others, too. How He sees the children in the foster care system at my work, with all the potential in the world. How He sees bullies, filled with His compassion. How He sees my sister without Fragile X. Intelligent and stunning. How He looks past all of our insecurities and absurd behavior. They are still there. But they are not who we are.

Race, disease, mistakes, popularity, status, and flaws do not define those who choose to take on the image of Christ. We can reject the negative definitions people put on us, and embrace the lovely, kind, true, and noble.

What would our world look like if we saw each other this way, and treated each other accordingly?

My Early Christmans Present

There are two kind of people in this world...

givers and takers.

Givers love to give, not acknowledging a loss. Not acknowledging their holiness. Not acknowledging anything- except maybe the need and the joy of obedience.

Not to say that givers don't get. They don't take. They receive. They have to because you can't give with joy until you learn that there is more where that came from.

Takers have excuses. They compare. They fear. And, if I am correct, they are the victims of their own doubt tinted glasses. Takers are lacking in joy.

In my innocence, I think I was a giver in my younger days. But then I gained responsibility, drew up a limited budget, and I held on tight to what I had, all in the name of gain. It didn't work. It didn't produce joy. I wouldn't necessarily say I was greedy or a thief, I was just fearful. I was fearful of being poor. Lack of money is a terrible thought, especially if you have experienced it. I was fearful of what my husband would say. I was fearful of what others would think. And I hated it.

So I started planting. I started giving above tithe- a dollar here or there, then ten or twenty, and giving started to grow, fear started to fade. Joy began to bloom.

Last week I shyly asked my husband for a gift. He makes the money. We are a team. I needed his blessing. I was almost certain of what he would say. And it appeared that I was right. So I worked up the words to ask again, hoping to be more persuasive. His response was more than I could have asked for.

This is my present:

My sponsored child, whom we have both fallen in love with. Both of us. There was nothing to fear. And the joy we have, knowing a small portion of our budget can make the world of difference for someone else. Someone we consider part of our family in a matter of a week.

The best part, though, is my dear friend is going to Ethiopia to give her a hug for us! I feel already as though we have received much more than we have given. A void has been filled. And I believe that we have only begun this journey of being givers.

If you are interested in sponsoring a child, click here for more information. And here for other ways to help these children.

Or help in your community, or in Asia, or India, or Mexico....wherever you are led, whatever you can give. It gives a whole new meaning to Christmas!

Esther and Christmas

As my mind was wandering today, as it often does, I began to think about how this Christmas is abundantly more meaningful to me than those past. This is because I've learned something this year that I had not know before about what Jesus came to earth for.

I think there is so much about God to learn that we'll never understand it all. And if you feel like there is more to know, I dare you to search for it, and don't give up until you are satisfied. But you won't be, because once you begin to understand, you will always yearn for more. God is good.

So I was thinking of a picture of what this means for me, and this is what came to mind to describe what I know thus far:

The book of Esther has always been intriguing to me. If you haven't read it, I hope you will. It is exciting. It does not say a thing about God, but it shows God. It shows God in a real life, very secular situation. I won't go through the entire story, but the part that spoke to me today. Here is some background.

Esther was picked queen after Vashti was booted. A remnant of the Jews lived in Persia, and they had enemies. There is history here, and true hate. Haman is the King's second in charge and had a driving passion to annihilate the Jews. Esther was a Jew, but no one knew it. Mordecai was her uncle.

Haman finally found a way to get his wish. The King gave him the signet ring and his blessing to order all Jews to be destroyed. It was made law. It could not be revoked.

Esther found the courage to stand up to Haman and reveal to the King his wicked plan. Haman perished. Mordecai took his place. The order still stood. The King could not undo it. However, he told Mordecai and Esther they had his signet ring to write a new order concerning the Jews.

The order was that the Jews had the right to protect themselves and destroy anyone whom dared assault them.

"The Jews gathered together in their cities throughout all the provinces of King Ahasuerus to lay hands on those who sought their harm. And no one could withstand them, because fear of them fell upon all people. And all the officials of the provinces, the satraps, the governors, and all those doing the king's work, helped the Jews, because the fear of Mordecai fell upon them. For Mordecai was great in the king's palace, and his fame spread throughout all the provinces; for this man Mordecai became increasingly prominent. Thus the Jews defeated all their enemies with the stroke of the sword, the slaughter of destruction, and did what they pleased with those who hated them." -Esther 9:2-5


To be clear, I am not comparing King Ahasuerus with God, nor what he did with what God did. However, what I see is that God first gave man the garden of Eden. Perfection. Perfect bodies, a perfect environment, a perfect purpose. Our enemies are not people, but our enemy is Evil. Evil thoughts, spirits, actions, hate, depression, lies, pride, gossip, envy, murder, etc. Evil entered in our lives and perfection became a memory.

What Jesus did by coming as a humble baby and becoming the sacrifice to end all sacrifices was not taking away the Evil at this time, but providing the means with which to fight against it, with the goal to be once more restored to perfection. And that should be our goal. Even though we will not see it come to complete fruition at this time because free will remains, I think we can do a lot better than we are doing.


"The Christians gathered together in their cities throughout all the provinces of the world to destroy the Evil who sought their harm. And no Evil could withstand them, because fear of them fell upon all Evil. And all the officials of the provinces, the satraps, the governors, and all those doing the king's work, helped the Christians, because the fear of God fell upon them. For God's work was great in the king's palace, and his fame spread throughout all the provinces; for God's work became increasingly prominent. Thus the Christians defeated all their Evil enemies with the word of the Lord, the slaughter of destruction, and those who hated them had no effect on them." 

Ten Things To Be Happy About

I started out the day kinda feeling sorry for myself. I think it was because I wrote about how blessed I was last night.

I got the chance to battle this in alone time with God this afternoon. I'm better now.

So I have ten things that have made me happy today:

1) My camera works again!! I knew I had to give it one last try, and it came through. My pictures were even still on it. That makes me happy!

2) My husband is fun. Once and a while I have flashbacks from a few years ago when I was ready to leave at any given afternoon because he was so miserable to be around. I just does not happen anymore. It makes me love him so much more when he's fun!

3) Chocolate.

4) Max has requested to do math the past few days. He is so proud of himself because he can do math like his sisters. And I am proud to say that my son knows what his shapes are.

5) Poinsettias. Especially the glittery ones.

6) The fact that I am preparing Christmas cards to send. They are glittery too. I have gotten out of that habit since....probably since I had kids. I just hope they actually get sent.

7) The Internet that has dozen or so resources (that I know and trust) I can go to when I need a good word. Or a song.

8) My three little angels that are a part of Christmas plays and talent shows. I'm so glad we're free to celebrate Christmas!

9) My niece, who has been on my mind since I saw her last Sunday. People have choices to make that will make all the difference. I'm thankful that she is learning that she does have a choice, and I'm seeing it change her each time we meet.

10) Hope in the promise that there is more to come, bigger tasks to accomplish, better lives to live.

Receiving

I teach my girls that they are princesses in the kingdom of God. I tell them how beautiful God made them and how many wonderful gifts they have to be used for good. I tell them these things in order for them to know everything they have because of Jesus, and use a princess picture so they can imagine their value, and imagine who they are simply because of their relation to the King of Kings.

I deeply want them to know their worth, to be a conqueror, and never be a victim. I believe this is possible.

It's easy for me to say these things to, in my own eyes, the most lovely creatures I know, for they are my children.

As for myself, this is much more difficult. So as it will happen, one day after I blessed each of my children and put them to bed, I was convicted of this hypocrisy. I wasn't a very good receiver.

Once I understood my offense, it was clear that almost everything that I either complained about or pitied myself over was a matter of my own doing. It could have been because I was too prideful or that I thought I had to earn everything but never settled the tab. It could be that my own picture of my worth was less than worthy. Most likely, it was a combination of them all. Everything I needed was already available to me. I just didn't accept them.

Since then, I have been much better at receiving- whether it be a compliment or a gift, or maybe a blessing from God. My thanksgivings have multiplied and my peace has snuffed out discontent. And my hope as grown like a weed.

I am looking forward to this Christmas more than ever because I am giddy over Christmas cards, blinking lights, my children's crafts, and gifts wrapped with special thoughts. I have many people in my life that I love dearly, and they have been very generous to me, but the love of my Father God far outshines these. Though I don't fully understand the sacrifice Jesus made for all of humanity, I know it is better than a lottery winning or fame or any other wild dream I can think up. And it is here. It never expires, and the more I do know about it, the more wonderful it becomes.

15 Things

1. I just decided that I love being in my 30's. I don't know if it actually has to do with my age or just my place in life. I'm comfortable. I gave up impressing anyone, because I am so overwhelmed it is too much work to impress.

2. I like me. I've never been able to say that before. And I do believe that God made me this way because He likes what He put in me. He likes me too. And so does my husband. And I don't feel like I have to do something to maintain my likability with us. (By the way- God likes you too. I'm not bragging.)

3. Christmas lights make driving to the grocery store more fun.

4. I have not found a house yet that I want to move to. I thought I'd settle for one, but never felt peace. So I'm back to plan A. Build. Maybe rent then build.

5. Sook wants to take our family to France to visit relatives very soon.

6. I am dying to go to a friend's wedding in Thailand next year. Then hopping over to Laos to see where my love was when I was a toddler.

7a. I have no idea how this will all happen. Yet. But how cool would that be?
7b. Maybe we should start taking vacations in the country before we venture half way across the world?

8. Recently I've been convicted that I don't really see God as a person that I can have a real conversation with. I've been more like just sending up a prayer and hope an angel catches it with a butterfly net, dumps it in a big bin of prayer requests, and some day it will be found. But I am learning every day. How do you visualize your relationship with God, a person you can't see? (If you have a good answer, please let me know!)

9. Brooke told me she didn't know how to pray the other night. At that very moment, the K-Love DJ started his prayer with, "Lord, help me know how to pray for this person." Her eyes lit up and she said, "I know! Maybe I can ask God to help me pray!" She did. I thought she'd never end it.

10. Even afterward, she kept talking. I told her I had to go but she could keep talking to God. She said, "But I don't even know what He looks like!" I told her to ask God what He looks like so she can imagine Him when she talks to Him. "I think He has a mustache." she responded.

11. There is a part of me that never wants to not have children around. As long as there is someone who is willing to babysit.

12. I was playing around with the family, acting like I was mad about something when Max stomped up to me and said, "MOM! Top yeing!" authoritatively. It'll be fun to see how this one turns out. He does have personality.

13. I taught him the color orange today and he was very confused. He loves to eat oranges. I wonder what was going through his mind. Eventually he accepted the color name.

14. Brooke fell asleep early so I told the girls to be extremely quiet when they got ready for bed. Summer then, standing in the hallway wearing next to nothing, proceeded to tell me that she had elephant's feet. Followed by a long explanation of her analogy. I'm thankful that she knows about elephant's feet but.....not really an appropriate time to elaborate. Just go to bed already! Yet- really? I didn't know elephant could walk that quietly.

15. I am blessed. And I am wanting to take responsibility for that blessing. One of my favorite ministers has said that when we get to heaven and God is going to wipe away our tears, our tears will not be a result of the hardship of this life. He believes that our tears will be a result of a realization of what we do have here and now, and how we missed out on it. I know I've missed out thus far. I'd like to increase my percentage from here on out.

Crafty.

I saw an idea for a modge podge Christmas tree on some crafty blog that I would love to link here, but I can't seem to remember which one it was.

I don't do too many crafts because I don't usually know what to do with them after they are done! But homemade Christmas ornaments I can handle. They go on the tree.

I modified this craft so I didn't have to go to the store.

1. Styrofoam balls

2. Pipe cleaners

3. Scrap paper

4. Modge Podge (or Elmer's glue mixed with water)

5. Paint brushes

6. Any other magical supplies your craft drawer holds.

First, make a loop with a 3-4" pipe cleaner. Stick it into the syrofoam ball.

Then, tear small pieces of scrap paper or magazine pages, glue on with Modge Podge, and paint over the paper again with Modge Podge.

Do this until the ball is covered.

Let dry.

Add gems or glitter or puffy paint for the finishing touches.

This was our advent activity for Dec. 6









Priorities

Finally! I get to blog about my priorities. My girls promised me they weren't coming back out of their rooms after 456 kisses and 58 hugs, drinks of water, 101 questions, prayers and final tucking in, they knew they were pushing it.

I sat down and browsed through new posts from my blog list. I admit, I envied some. Arrgh! I want a new camera. Then, I want to know how to use it and take fantastic pictures and post them here. I had a descent camera and left it to be rained on. But I really want a NICE camera. I thought it might be the Christmas to go buy myself something (along with a complete makeover- but I was going to excuse that away by saying it was for my husband).  However, I talk big but could never do it. Somewhere along the line I stopped spending money on myself.

I wish I could be the person that did and never felt an ounce of guilt. But if I was, I would have never married Sook. I think he'll agree- he wouldn't have married me either.

A few days ago I was telling my parents how I tried Max out on a bicycle in Wal-Mart. He didn't want the bicycle. He wanted the Gator right next to the bicycle. Then his eyes wandered further down the isle to a Cars car and said, "I wan dat!" Coincidentally, it was the most expensive item in the isle. Mom turned to Dad and said, "Does that remind you of his mother?"

Apparently I never had a problem with spending my parent's money.

And as I snuck MY snack (mini snickers) out of the kitchen I thought, "you know what really sounds good? Truffles." I don't have any at the moment since last time I was given the opportunity the Snickers was a few bucks cheaper. But my thoughts continued, " I don't really want store bought ones, though. I want homemade truffles made by me from my very large kitchen that is always used because I'm dishing up all fresh from scratch gourmet organic foods that are also very good for you. And I'd be wearing a very vintage apron and cute little homemaker/hottie dress with makeup and hair all done up." oh, "and my house would always smell good.".

Ohmygosh. Did I just say that out loud?

What was I blogging about again? Oh. Priorities.

OK. This week's advent play we did was about preparing for Christmas. It's theme was evaluating priorities and re-committing our lives to line up with Christ's purpose for us.

One of our favorite quotes is from "Curious George: Follow That Monkey" where the man in the yellow hat has an important presentation and he ends up on a train with George and an elephant. And when he is looking for his pie charts, he finds them crumpled and stained.

"MY PRIORITIES! MY BEAUTIFUL PRIORITIES!"

I asked the girls what their priorities were.
1. A stuffed dalmatian.
2 A stuffed wolf.
3 Spending money.

Great. Time to re-align priorities. "Uh, what do you think God wants our priorities to be?"

Family! Jesus! Christmas! Friends! the Bible! Church!

Well, at least they had an idea as to how to answer this. Today I had them write a list of priorities so that later we would pray about them. The wolf still made it on to the list. At least it wasn't the only item.

After asking Savannah 12 times to complete this task, raising my voice a little each time, she handed me a well wrapped package (drawing paper folded and taped tightly). On it said, "To: my priority".

Inside was placed a single Tic Tac mint.

Sigh. My priorities spend all of my money and mess up my perfect homemaker dream. My priorities tug at my heart when I am convicted to give to someone in need. They beckon me home when part of me wants to escape to an exotic holiday. They fill my heart with more grace to give. They direct me to more unselfish acts when the other me is dragging her feet, longing for new shoes.

I still want nice things. I still want to be pampered and to relax. And laugh with someone older than eight. And I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I believe God will give me these things and more. Abundantly more. I am so grateful that God instills in us what are truly priorities and promises to bless us so that there is no need to sacrifice what is really important.

Christmas Trees

I woke up today not wanting to get out of bed. And I didn't. I kid you not. It was 1:00 before I even had glasses on.


Isn't it great to have older kids? There was enough food available. The movies kept streaming in. I feel awful still. And I knew what was in that #2 envelope, waiting. There was not way around it.

So I slept all day to get enough energy for this.

We cleaned half of the living room- just to mess it up again.

There were no lights- at least that I know of since I have packed up half my things thinking that I would have moved by now.

So I went to CVS to find some lights. Mind you, I looked like I've been sick in bed all day. I thought there was a stocking cap in the car that I could use to mask part of my disgustingness. But there wasn't. I'm pretty sure the checkout lady was avoiding looking at me.

But we did it. We have a tree.

At least I have a happy family.

Yes, there is at least one forced smile in this photo.

Yes, I'm still using my phone as my camera.

Yes, that is a  hands and foot reindeer on my tree leftover from last year.

Yes, the reindeer brought some squeals of joy.

Yes, they are in pj's- the same ones they wore all day long.

And yes. I am glad we did it. And so are they. And maybe even Sook.

And I am wiped out.

Waiting

As we shopped in the used book store the other day, Mom and I rummaged through old play scripts. She picked up a book of advent plays. A perfect touch to our advent envelopes.

The first advent play, and our activity for today, was themed "waiting"

Waiting for the prophecy to come true.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light as dawned. Isaiah 9:2

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

People waited for hundreds of years before it came true. And then it did.

Do you think they just gave up?

How many kept the faith?

Mama has been sick once, twice, three times. Today was hard. Yesterday in my journal I wrote: "Tomorrow I will bless your socks off. It has already been commanded."

I looked around in my kitchen, which was a disaster due to painting the cabinets, and stayed that way due to feeling sick.

"Will this ever look clean again?"

"Will we ever have the chance to move?"

"Will we ever see financial peace?"

"Will my prayers ever be answered?"

And a faint but very real reply said, "It has already been commanded. It is done."

The kids enthusiastically decorated construction paper trees.

More messes were made.

Max was introduced to his first coloring book.

He just wanted to line up the crayons.

Mom and Dad are tired.

Deep in thought while washing a load of dishes, Savannah came up behind me to share one of her many stories. I caught a glimpse of her smile.

So many prayers have been answered.

And until the realizations of my answered prayers show themselves to me, I shall wait. In hope and expectation, not giving up.