Friday, September 9, 2011

We Fall Down, We Get Up

I am humbled when I think of the wonderful people that God has put in my life. They may be close friends, family, a familiar face, or a stranger I follow online. I get excited about each piece of a life story I am privelaged to encounter, especially when it involves a calling and a pure following. My spirit is doing cartwheels with joy with the amazing things one or two people do to change the world for others.

A few years ago, there was a battle going on between my spirit and mind. I had grand and glorious plans that my flesh could not accomplish. There were several reasons for this. One was that I get tired and grumpy and want to scrap it all at least once a day. Another was because I was believing lies about me that I allowed to repeat over and over in my mind. I looked at the flesh, then at the dream. Flesh, dream, flesh, dream. I just didn't see how my pitiful self could accomplish what my spirit told me to do.

So I took a step back, admitted my imperfections, reflected on what Christ did for me, and let Him take over. The perfected spirit is always right. I started moving forward- with baby steps.

I got overwhelmed. I felt sorry for myself. I lost my temper. I blamed others. We fall down, we get up. But with each baby step, I've felt more peace.

Today, looking at those I admire, I felt a sense of lack of accomplishment. My dreams are not nearly completed, and many seem to be at a standstill. And while I am contemplating this, a dirty little face appears directly in front of mine.

"A mo Move?"

His favorite song. (the acoustic version, thank you very much)

He lets out a screech as I load the page. Over and over he plays it. I take a few moments and watch his dancing.

Later, my mind reminds me of the challenges ahead.

"I must pray...I need encouragement...." And more time is spent meditating. Even Max knows to back off when I'm praying. I fall down, I get up.

A phone call to a friend, a few minutes with my husband, supper, a little more packing....

A bedtime routine that must not be altered. Brush teeth, read three books, toss him into bed (on the count of three), toss bear into bed, tuck bear in, tuck Max in. Prayers are said, Mama kisses Max, Mama kisses bear, and finally Max kisses bear. Bear is so tired. "Don't fall!" Max says to bear. "Don't fall! Mama says to Max. We blow each other one last kiss.

Then, on to the other children. When my heart is filled to the brim with joy, I walk out to a disasterous living room. I am exsausted.

I reflect in silence this time. Do you know what I conclude? I am imperfect, yet I am so blessed. This makes me want to say even more, "Take all of me, Lord because I want all you have given." I want to know more about this God that doesn't expect but gives everything to me. He has even given me the faith to recieve His promises. How he loves us. My dreams will come in due time, but the dream of my beautiful family and the lover of my soul is mine to enjoy at this very moment.

No comments:

Post a Comment