Sunday, September 11, 2011


It's 9/11, and I've been overwhelmed with heroic stories and sentiments. Sometimes enough is enough. Sometimes I doubt sincerity when everyone is supposed to remember on this day. And once I start thinking that, I hear a story that makes me break down and bawl.

I didn't go to church because, just once and a while, I want to be all alone. I guess I shoulda gone because my joy seems to be lacking. Would I feel better if I did? Probably.

Ten years ago... that long? Yet it seems like forever, yet yesterday. I was single, no kids, and my biggest fear was cellulite. I didn't have many cares- and spent the last ten years collecting them. This year I've tried to forget them (reasonably speaking).

Now I feel like I'm going back to nothing. I don't know where I will live, I don't know what the bills will be or how they will be paid (exactly). Our "it might be nice if..." plans were catapulted to "this is how it is going to be." I'm usually excited but today I'm numb. I'm back to "I'm trusting you, God, because I don't even know what tomorrow looks like."

And that is how life is. Ups, downs. Discouragements. But I have this message for anyone or anything against me.

I will come through. I will win. I cannot lose, for God is with me.

In fact, I will win in a victorious style. Don't let my demeanor on this day fool you. I'm never giving up on God.

I can say that even when I don't feel it. THAT is why I love God.

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