Friday, September 2, 2011

Can I Have A Vacation Yet?

Last year, we went on a short vacation to Colorado. Four years ago, Hawaii for a few weeks. Nine years ago, our honeymoon. Other than trips"home" once and a while, that's it.

I'm not complaining, but every once and a while I yearn for a handful of days just away. I don't care where! Since something substantial is no where in the foreseeable future, my brain took a vacation today. Sometimes it just happens...planned or not.

I didn't focus on anything in particular...just random thoughts summing up past, present and future.

Frustrations have invaded a large part of my adult life since things don't always go the way I plan. I still don't have everything I want or everything I've prayed for, but today in the midst of my chaos I had true peace. I didn't feel the need to lock myself in a room and mentally sort everything out- why's who's and what do we do's. Instead, God's promises kept coming to mind. They are becoming more real than my frustrations.

My husband, Sook, is changing before my eyes. What used to be a source of frustration for me is now a piece of the solution. I'm not sure if it's him or me...or maybe both...but he has become a refuge for me on my worst days. This is something to be overjoyed about. I love him so much.

I used to stay up nights worrying about politics. I don't spend too much time on it anymore, because the way I see it, instead of writing speeches or song lyrics about how we need to come together and love everyone... we just need to do it. Instead of worrying about how the government is going to fix this or that crisis...we just need to volunteer a little time and/or money. No matter what the government decides, I can  act freely to do what I am passionate about in love. (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, goodness, self control...against such things there is no law) So until I am doing what I can, I have little criticisms for policies. We the people are responsible for our own destruction.

My four children are the reason we don't get vacations or time alone. They frustrate me daily. Their messes scatter my already attention deficit mind. The money I spend on them could be used for a new hair do and fancy clothes. The time I spend on them could be used at a job I actually get paid for - with mandatory breaks and paid vacations. My car might smell good without them. My house may actually feel big without them. However, none of these things matter so long as I have them with me. And though I would like all these luxuries including the children, if I have to choose, I choose them.

Tomorrow we go to camp as a family. I should be packing! Have a great weekend!

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