Saturday, December 5, 2009
"Are you getting me something for Christmas?" I asked my husband last year. He looked at me, a bit confused, and said, "What do you want?" My answer came with a sigh, "I wish you wouldn't have to ask. Get me something you know I'd like."
He got me some nice smelling stuff from Bath and Body Works and a massage. Ok, but not terrific. When am I gonna take a bubble bath?
In the course of this year, something changed in me. I realized that I was more miserable when I set my husband up with my unrealistic expectations.
One time I asked him, "If you had plenty of money and could get me anything at all, what do you think I would like?" I was surprised with his answer. "Probably a bunch of plants and flowers, and I would hire someone to come and landscape our yard." That was really, really close. What I really would like is for him to landscape the yard with me. Our project. So he knows what I want. He knows me, he gets me....and he has no interest of landscaping our yard.
I started watching him, the way he smiled at me and at the kids. The way he trusted me with daily things, but didn't get mad if I messed up. He never tried to change me.
The thing most important to HIM is a clean house. I would like that too, but hate to clean. I really try, but the odds are stacked against me. So we both enjoy things that the other won't provide, and we don't hold it over each other's head. We still love each other. We are comfortable with each other.
Since our children do not go to school with other kids, they have little outside influence when it comes to Christmas wishes. Today I asked them to make a list. On the top of each of the three lists was a goldfish. Ok, that's do-able. I told them that was the only pet they could have.
Savannah's second item on the list: a "clean howse".....
....and third, "lovelie flowers".