Present

I've made it very clear to everyone that we were moving- but we haven't. And might not. I can't explain it, except that I didn't really want to, but felt that is the right thing. My desire grew and out of what I thought was obedience, I looked at houses and packed up boxes, fixed up our house (mostly) and prayed. A lot. But when the time seemed to be right, I couldn't find a house. And when I did find a house, my opportunity was gone.

And it seems as though nothing has changed.

Not that it is all bad, but there are things I want so badly I could scream. Like new carpet, which I was not going to replace until the last minute that we moved....but even more importantly, time.

Evenings with my husband- even days on a regular basis. Not days every once and a while so we drop what we were going to do to hang with Daddy. I mean consistent, off the clock evenings. And involving him in our learning- not where he goes and does his thing and we are off to do ours.

A comfortable place to drop the kids off  so we get to leave. Maybe more than one date a year? Maybe time for friends?

And Ellie....there is a sense of loss as time goes by without her around.

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I have a lot more thoughts on this but I'm so tired they are not coming together. I won't lie. I'm disappointed. I want some changes in my life. Yet I am very blessed. Sometimes our desires get in the way of the view of our blessings.

Tomorrow God's mercies will be new again. Tomorrow I'll get up and do my best to build up my family, no matter what my house or my schedule looks like. I can't change the past, I don't control of my future, but I do have the present and opportunity to do my best with it. And thank God I have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control through the Holy Spirit. I can make the best of all situations, and even bless others in the process. This is better than staying in disappointment.

Oh, that I may honor God with my present.