Love Me

I have a secret.

Most of any parenting wisdom I have attained came from my mother. And since she is "mothering" my niece, have the benefit of mothering alongside my own mother. I'm not sure how I could do this without her. All of the circumstances - the good, the bad, and the ugly have worked for my profit, and the profit of my children.

We have recently been discussing love languages in our children. She is reading the book. I'm not. But the topic seems to come up often.

So I thought about mine. Gifts? No. Quality time? Maybe. Acts of service? Possibly. Touch? Absolutely not. Words of Affirmation? Doubt it.

Nothing suck out to me. So I thought reeeeaaaally hard about when I've felt loved. All of these five things are important to me, but any one I can excuse as "they had to" or "they didn't really mean it".

I finally figured out when I feel loved.

When someone knows all of me and still loves me, still believes in me, and acts on my behalf. When I don't have to pretend or prove anything and love is not diminished one bit.

I'm not asking for much.............

And I honestly didn't think I knew anyone that loved me like this- until recently. So I didn't feel loved. Seriously. Yet I know I was. I just didn't feel it.

And then I found out that that's how God loves me. He's seen all kinds of ugly, yet sees who He made me to be. He fights for me. He calls His angels to work on my behalf. He never discarded my future accomplishments that He wrote for me. He has a storeroom of blessing that he's waiting to give to me.

I'm not well read. I can't spell.....I want you to write.
I've never changed a diaper.......I want you to be a mother.
People don't seem to understand what I'm trying to say.........I want you to teach.
Talking to people frightens me..........I want you to show people my love by loving them yourself.


I can love because He loves me.

After this reality sunk in, it changed me and most of my relationships. It changed how I looked at people and talked to people and understood people.

And now after years of trying harder and getting angry and justifying and fear and feeling rejected, I feel loved by my husband. I don't know if he changed or I changed or I changed how I treated him so he changed how he treated me, but now I know. He works harder and longer than I thought anyone could. Then he comes home to messy kids and leftovers and. just. smiles.

My wish is for everyone to know they are loved like this.

When a heart is cold as ice
You can't melt it with advice
No one wants to listen to
A list of things they shouldn't do
So I build a city on a hill
And I light a candle on a sill
Knowing You'll be always knocking at the door
Oh God I just want to love on everyone
All I have is Yours to give so let the people come

 I'm not there yet, but I'm a whole lot closer now than I was before.