Monday, May 9, 2011

My Mama

Some don't see the value of a stay-at-home mom. They don't feel like it's valuable time spent or like they are contributing to the world.

My stay-at-home mama was my world. No human has sacrificed more of them self for me than she did, and she is continuing to sacrifice as she takes care of my niece. People think children are tough. They think they could endure hardships in life and don't want to deal with them, so they sweep things under the rug and hope for the best. I disagree with my whole being.

Could people see it? Probably not. Could I speak it? No. I couldn't process it, I couldn't verbalize it, and I can't very well to this day. How do you explain cruelty to a child?

I dreaded many days as I went to school. I was hurting. Sometimes I wanted to die, or would pray for the world to end or some catastrophic event would happen just so I wouldn't have to go to school. I am crying right now even thinking about how confused I was, how I wasn't able to trust people, how angry I felt, how badly I wanted everyone to understand me, but it seldom happened. Is this offensive? It was reality for me. It was hell.

But I could always go home. And when I got there, there was my mom. She was a refuge. Her greatest gift to me was day after day just being there. Giving me security and example and teaching me God's faithfulness.

She was always busy doing day to day laundry and cooking, carting children around, going to meetings, making meals for farmers or others who need some help. You know, the unexciting routine of doing the dishes just to dirty them up again. But I was watching.
I saw a strong woman dealing with harsh realities of life.
I saw someone willing to stand up for her beliefs, no matter if others agreed or not.
I saw a love that would defend me, an angry child that was not always lovable.
I saw sacrifice daily. Sacrificing her love for learning to teach me, sacrifice of relaxation to serve, sacrifice of pride to care for a special needs child, and sacrifice of honor to spend time raising her children rather than standing in the spot light of do-gooders.
I saw a wife loving and serving her husband.
I saw a genuine joy of having children.
I saw the ability to "let go" of a teenager so anxious to leave home.
I saw a true God shining through the testimony of her faith.

And so I learned

Ways to love,
Ways to sacrifice.
Where true joy comes from,
Where to put my faith.
How to cook,
How to plant a garden.
And most importantly, that I am loved.

Being there was what it took. There is nothing more honorable than motherhood, which is, sacrificing everything most people treasure in order to make her family member's lives functional and victorious. My hope is that I can be a resemblance of who she is, and I am honored that now, as she raises another child, I can do this along side with her. My mother is blessed.

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