Mornings. I usually hate them. I wake up feeling unprepared for the day because if I actually did prepare the night before, I probably don't get enough sleep. I am usually fearful about something like money or what I haven't accomplished. Under any circumstance my thoughts do not organize easily, and under pressure with activity around me it is sometimes impossible so my brain is paralyzed until I can get away and regroup. And that is usually how I start the day.
As my children wake up, I snuggle with them on the love seat. I do this mostly because it helps me wake up. But as things go with children, it doesn't always last long and ready or not, I need to get to work.
This morning Max came to the living room with a bag of shredded cheese, threw it on the ground, and stepped on it. Then he scooted around on it with his feet. I told him to go put it away, and he just stood there, shaking his head at me, ready to run if I come after him.
So I get up to solve this problem while Summer is beside me, poking my arm for her attention. As I move to get up, her bowl of milk and cereal spill all over me. And so the "problems" start piling up, especially if I am not careful to stay calm. My anger usually increases problems.
That is just the "little" problem tier on the many levels of problems I could worry about.
Moving has been on our mind and as we tackle fixing up our house that our kids have lived in well, with limited funds and time, we could worry more. Sook just picked up a part time "dream job" here! Which is great but then I wonder... will this ever happen? And as I look at the possibilities for our family that would be available with a move, I think it has to.
Then there is increased threats of crazy weather, bugs killing crops, a messed up economy and political climate, and unlimited "what if's". I think you are getting the picture.
Like I said, the more I worry, the more paralyzed my brain becomes. And THAT is no way to live. It's not an option for me. Sometimes it is overwhelming. Other times, however, I am so grateful that I am lacking in brainpower and resources. I'm glad God has given me more than I can handle because I have no choice. I have to give up this responsibility.
My attitude is slowly changing from looking at problems as "problems" and rather seeing them as opportunities to watch God at work. I read stories from the old testament how God's people could have so much if they just follow Him, but they choose not to! We think, "how ridiculous!" But I do it too! Instead, I want all He has to offer!
This attitude is very hard to maintain in a environment that thinks the opposite of God's logic. Common sense is telling me something different than my vision, and fear drives many around me, affecting my outlook. Thankfully, my husband's attitude encourages me often. God gives me the encouragement I need. He gives me everything I need. He is everything to me.