My family just left me alone to clean today. I will, for sure. Cleaning in silence is such a welcome experience for me.
My thoughts, however, are cluttered as well.
I want to dream BIG. And I know I am the type of person that will hear a command and start running before I hear the entire set of instructions at times. Or maybe fill in the blanks myself. I am so eager to see the world change, and I believe it will. It has to.
I know, we could pray for Jesus to come back and take us away, but from where I sit I almost feel like that if that were to happen, I would have about a minute- or even a second of complete terror and anguish because I have not finished the race. I don't want that feeling, so I'd rather live out the next 60 years pursuing, crying, helping, hurting, laughing, celebrating, and crying some more. I want a better idea of how big God really is while I am still here. Otherwise, I fear regret. Like when you are in an awards ceremony and you know you could have done better if you would have just tried. You could have gotten the gold.
I know God will wipe away my tears.....but I'd rather say, "I have stayed to course. I have finished the race."
Everyone says they are busy. I say it. Yet I hate it. Some people say it and I just have to give them a little smile and move on..... because who thinks cleaning in silence is a luxury? What is busy? It's all relative. Busy-ness is not an excuse.
But I do need to clean. And I do need to raise up my children properly -which I believe that the most important ingredient to a properly raise child is time spent with them. Real time- like long walks and good books, and a minute or ten to calm them down when they are in distress.
And a minute turns into an hour.... and the world is still hurting.
BUT this is THE BEST part about God. All it takes is a willing soul. It's all over in the Bible- Moses, Gideon, Joshua, Esther, and Paul. One willing soul is powerful- and sometimes the less resources we have, the better. Even time.
So... my cluttered thoughts about school and jobs and houses and should we move now or wait... isn't about time to make up our minds? And what is for lunch? I'd really like to make another pot of coffee... Will we add more children to our family? Could we travel the world? Can we give more, live on less, or can I have more luxuries..... How do we serve our families? My couch is disgusting. The kids want a dog.
And I skimmed through a blog about the sovereignty of God yesterday because I didn't have time to actually read it. God is sovereign.... but that doesn't mean let the poor rot away because God made them that way. There is a line somewhere. And it does involve our work, sweat, and tears- and blessings.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:27-29
So I have a mental picture of a hand holding a colorful set of Pick Up Sticks. I set the had let go..... and start to pick them up one by one again.
Sometimes we have to let go. Sometimes we have to pick up.
Sometimes all we can do is one stick a week. Over and over and over we work on letting anger go. Decision making. Multiplication. Shapes. But if I am to raise up only four people to work for good....and if that is my calling....I'd better do a darn good job at it.
Meanwhile, I can buy Fair Trade coffee and chocolate and wear T-shirts that support a cause and even jewelry. I can not be ignorant to the injustices and include them in my prayers. I can give people hope with my words and joy with my gifts. Right where I am, in the middle of my motherhood.
And if I do that, maybe all the other sticks will be so much easier to pick up.
Today I am thankful for:
1. Silence
2. Sunshine
3. Really good music that says what you want to say...
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