I woke up this morning asking God what it is I should learn about today.
"Failures." was the answer.
Funny, because after a blissfully quiet day at work, a nice "hello" kiss from my husband, a short and sweet and successful school time, something in me turned for the worse.
I started feeling failure. I felt not so wonderful as the people in the inspirational stories I try to surround myself with- you know, for inspiration.
I ran to the grocery story because I had nothing for supper. I made tacos. What kid doesn't like tacos? Except I had forgotten the cheese- well, I did have cheese but it was Italian cheese. So we had tacos with ground beef and Italian cheese. And lettuce and Picante sauce if someone wanted it.
1.5 of my children actually ate it.
Savannah just didn't get her division.
I was annoyed with the 151st sticker Brooke wanted to give me.
Max told me he wanted to potty instantly after I had put his pj's on.
And I know that Summer annoyed me, too. I just don't remember how.
I was in full pity party mode. And when this happens, for me at least, I start remembering everything that steals my joy. Every failure, every unrealistic dream, every rotten circumstance. My failures were trying to make me fail again.
But I have learned enough to know not to indulge myself in my failures. Mostly because what I really wanted was to shout them from the mountaintops so someone would feel sorry for me, but I knew no one would (at least genuinely) because we've all got crap of the bottom of our shoes. I cannot indulge. I am saved by grace through faith. What I need is faith.
And then something turned again. I read the books, put the kids to bed two or three times each, gave extra hugs, and enjoyed it.
I am convinced that the key to success is a graceful failure. Because, truth be told, we all fail. Therefore, how we handle it is the key to overcoming it. Perseverance, humility, and a sound mind is what I need.
I have read before that God isn't so interested in our dreams as much as the journey to get there. Isn't that true? If we reach for something and finally get it, it doesn't solve our problems. Many times it makes things more complicated. What we learned on the way is more profitable than the prize itself. That gives me peace. If the prize isn't that important, then I don't really fail when I have not attained it.