For Messy Lives

The fish died today. Savannah took it upon herself to change the water and somehow he was dropped in the sink. After she placed him back in water, he fought it for a few hours. We cheered him on. Then, he died.

A tablet was dropped and does not work. I am behind for the week in school. I had to change supper plans at the last minute because there was not enough time. I keep walking around the pile of laundry and suitcases waiting to be unpacked since a week and a half ago.

I start a schedule one week, I forget it the next. I don't always pay my kids for their extra chores... and they often forget to do them. Well thought out ideas are too difficult to maintain. I should fix my tire, but who has time?

And I think, "When will survival mode end?"

When will it get easier?  When will the kids stop fighting? When will I be able to put together more than one thought in a row? When can we all just get along?

Messes get in the way of our plans. They make life difficult. We hate them.

As I get further along in life, this is what I notice:

Life is a mess- that is the normal state of life. Most everything is messy; relationships, circumstances, kitchen sinks, bank accounts, and politics. A lot of people think they have the perfect solution, only to end up making it messier.

So what if we stopped seeing messes as a roadblock to our perfect plan but acknowledging that they are a very normal, everyday occurrence, and what if we didn't mind the messes so much but really valued- celebrated- the times when something goes right?

Maybe then we would stop seeing the messes altogether.

His name was King Lewis Pip Nebuchadnezzar  because no one could agree on a name. We sang "Amazing Grace" with some intense vibratos, Savannah read a poem about his fish life- you know, eating, sleeping, and swimming, and we made a procession into the bathroom, kicking the dirty underwear aside as we marched. Brooke did the ceremonial toilet flush as we said our last good-byes.

We had a good laugh.

Maybe, when we choose contentment, God shows His goodness right through the messes. I tend to think that is exactly the way He likes it.

Accept no shame for the mess. Be content, but strive for goodness and try to have a grand
time while you're at it. Really, it's okay to have fun in the mess. The kids will thank you for it someday.

Right Here- On Snow Days

Yesterday...

It was a pajama type of day.

Quite normal, really. Max insisted on obeying my command to color only if he could do it while sitting in a box.

We only had one big spill when Brooke was running non-stop around the coffee table while listening to Homer. She knocked over her glass of lemonade. There was none left for a refill, and the towel used to dry remains on the table until now.

Brooke did stop running- in fact, she froze. She watched liquid spreading across the surface of the table and eventually spilling on the floor. Summer began to yell questions like, "What were you thinking?". Savannah stared at her tablet. Mom suggests that it might be a nice idea to clean it up... in a sharp, snarky tone.


It had snowed nearly a foot, so they thought it would be great to go play outside. It took about 15 minutes for everyone to put on their boots, yell, "Mom! where is my snowsuit?",  for me to walk over and point to it four feet from their feet where they left it yesterday, take off their boots (because you can't put on a snowsuit with your boots already on), for me to ask them why they think it is a good idea to go play in a foot of snow without bothering to put socks on, find socks, argue over if it is really that important that they match, and fully get dressed....

They played for five minutes until they decided it was too cold. Came in, undressed....

Summer asked, "Savannah, are you ready to play with me?"

"I need to thaw for a minute."

"I didn't realize you were poultry."

??????

Max built a spaceship. He was very proud of it, and said he'd painted it. It was blue, red, brown, and gray. I asked what he would do in space and he replied, "I'm cleaning the planets".

Then he boarded his pirate ship. He said he might get scared (whispering) if he finds the gorillas.

Final mission: find some couch pillows. Couch pillows are used for almost anything around here, so who knows where you will find them. He wants one. Brooke gives him one even though she had a very important use for them. One is on my bed. He runs down to get it. Brooke takes back the one she gave because he'd said he only needed one. But really he wanted both. She gives it back. Max carefully places both pillows on the couch, neatly lays a throw on as well, climbs in and sighs, "Mom, now I am going to be a daddy."

In their perpetual fantasy they live in, Summer sliped Savannah a small note that says, "You're guilty!".

Savannah did not want anyone else to see the note, so she ate it. Yes, really.

Bedtime came only after rehearsing handstands by the girls and Max, his bed summersaults. He stands at the foot of the bed, hands up in perfect form, and takes off round and round until he stops and laughs waaay too loud.

After "one last drink" three times and "one last hug" five times and I wait five minutes just to make sure no more "emergencies" come up, I sit and relax. I love that time of day. I survey the damages left for me to clean and soak in the memories of the places we went; the time travel, the space exploration, the elaborate artwork created, and the mythical creatures we conquered. All right here.

Child Qualities We Should Take Advantage Of #4

They are easily excitable.

True story. We can't buy presents this year. Now, before you start feeling sorry for my children, don't worry. They will get presents, but not from me. I've done my best to make this a memorable time for them. I simply cannot spend a whole lot of money. So something came up today and I needed them occupied. They wanted a movie. A new movie. I start to sweat. I wanted to give it to them, but I started thinking about my bank account and adding up the bills that were still due. I tried to entice them with cheap online rentals, but nothing seemed worthy of $2.99 or less.

So finally, I gave in. I said, "What the heck. You guys know I can't give you presents this year, but I will buy the movie you really want. Will you accept this as your Christmas present?"

You would have thought we were going to Disneyland.
"This is the best day of my life!" one exclaimed.

Do you know how many best days of their lives we've had? In Savannah's exaggerative spirit, about a million. At least a whole lot.

And we've never been to Disneyland.

Take joy in small things. Value things by what gives them joy, not by price. Know that above all, they want experiences- with you. Follow through with promises- don't discourage the excitement. Movies are great when used in moderation. Avoid excess. Learn things together. Get excited about nature. Celebrate personal victories. Visit local attractions. Get to know interesting people along with your kids. Read together. Read some more. Scroll through Pinterest together. Dream together. Pray together. Never, ever feel guilty for not giving them more stuff. Give when you can, but have peace when you can't. Children are cool like that.

Child Qualities We Should Take Advantage Of #3

Optimism.

I am terribly guilty of looking at circumstances and forecasting doom. I speak hope, but my heart faints. This past year, every day has been a battle for me to get to the place that I can smile with ease- for my children's sake. If they start to lose their optimism, woe is me. Countless times their innocence has saved me.

They ask if we can go out to eat, we say we can't afford it.
They ask if we can buy such and such,  we say there is not enough money.
They ask if we can go stay in a hotel, we say when Daddy gets a better job.
They ask when we can go to Hawaii, or Iceland, or Australia, or Laos, we say... uh, someday, I'm sure.

Oh, but their optimism is priceless.

Brooke offered to contribute her collection of pennies.
Savannah and Summer are on the search to find something they could sell.
Max told me he could buy more money for us. He also said that when he is big like Daddy he would go to work and buy me Pepsi.

Last week was bad. Really bad. I was pretty low when Brooke said, "My sisters and I think this has been the week of funniness." in the middle of her cartwheel. I thought, "humor might do me some good too."

Savannah told me that God told her that her and her sisters would be cartoon artists someday. I am certain that this is possible, for they are creative and determined. It is not my position to question that. They spend their days scripting and playing with their stuffed animals, developing characters, and decorating their room according to the appropriate scenes, all because they don't doubt their dream. Even if it doesn't turn out as they imagine, the skills they are developing are more than I could teach them with any book.

Go for it. Shoot for the moon. Renew your hope. Trust in God. Be careful in what you discourage. Find the beauty in what they do, there is always something praiseworthy. Find ways for them to develop their dreams. If something doesn't work out right away, encourage practice and perseverance. Join them. Let them see you step out of the box. No matter what, fight discouragement and depression with all of your strength. It has no place in the presence of children.

If you want to see my other posts in this series, click on the links below:
Quality #1
Quality #2

And a special treat: The internet premiere of "Porkupine" from "Porkupine's Lessons"

Child Qualities We Should Take Advantage Of #2

Truth: Having children has done so much for me. Mostly it has made me more human. No child should ever be disregarded as insignificant. They are significant because they are children, and children possess qualities that make each and every individual one greatly significant. If you want to read my Quality #1: They love us, you can find it here.

#2: Children are great at failing.

The younger, the better. They fail all the time. When they learn to eat, walk, talk, write, you name it. They are constantly failing, and unless someone convinces them that they should be ashamed, they aren't.

A few months ago, Brooke came to me and explained that when she draws something, its okay to mess up because she can always make it into something else. So when it was time to make a poster for Trunks of Treats, the theme being scary scene with spider webs and such, she ended up with a submarine in the middle of it.

This caused instant outrage from her sisters. They were convinced she deliberately ruined their artwork. In tears, she came to me and said, "I was trying to paint a spider, but it didn't work so I made it into a submarine!"

Seriously. Who can't love that rationale? Well, at least this mother does. Not so much her sisters. Anyway, we got over it and she has not stopped drawing and painting.

And I hope she doesn't. I am scared to think of what my fear of failure has discouraged.

Cheerlead. Encourage. Defend if needed. For goodness sakes, don't be perfect. Fail with them. Teach them about the great people who failed. Praise them for learning something when they've failed. Give them grace, be patient, not critical. Teach them to laugh at themselves but don't push it to humiliation. Correct them without insult. Problem solve with them. Celebrate successes, no matter how small. Let them be good failures.

Child Qualities We Should Take Advantage Of #1

So simple, yet so overlooked. Probably because I'm too tired for twenty hugs a night and too frazzled for one more "helper" to make bread and so ready for them to learn to be independent. I've realized there are such qualities in young children that we wish we would have never unlearned, so it may be a benefit for them if I encourage it as long as possible.

I have not written a lot lately, partly because I don't have time, partly because I lost some desire. This, however, I think may be worthy of writing if for no other reason than for my own contemplation. I think I'll just take one at a time.


#1 They love us.

Even the ones that have not been treated so well, they love their parents in a way that will baffle those looking from the outside. Kids love their parents when they are young. That is a good thing. Lets let them love us.

Enjoy their gifts. Take their nagging for you to play a game with them as a compliment. Give them words of wisdom, they may listen better now than later. Make time with them a priority, they will be happier people. Tell them jokes. When everyone falls apart at once, fix it with hugs- or couch cuddles- maybe with a movie and popcorn.

Let loose. They think your jokes are funny, they think our nuances are necessary. They expect their daddy to come home and jump out from behind the door every night. They await my comic relief in the middle of an intense lesson. They anticipate a twirl hug after a time out.

Teach them what it looks like to love... to obey, to help out, to talk to them with respect. Teach them that we still get irritated with each other, but our love doesn't fade. They will get disciplined right along with unconditional love.

And take comfort, because they do love us. But beware, because they won't be children forever.

Fall

Get outside.

Breathe in fresh air, find a place for the kids to climb, find another lonely mom to talk to, and take in the remarkable beauty of nature.

Gather acorns. Take them home to paint. "Feed" the geese with dried up leaves. See who can swing the highest. Laugh at their silly jokes.

 

Walk away from the news.

 

 

Look at the small things like the veins in leaves.

 

Refrain from being overly protective. Let them have fun.

 

Don't worry if someone overhears them and thinks they are weird.

 



Let them make a few messes.

Messes are easier to clean when they are happy. Be thankful. Be happy.

Allow yourself to enjoy life. Teach them to enjoy it, too.