Opinionated Ramblings of an American/Mother/Jesus Freak

There is a persistent question in the back of my mind on any given day.

"What do I want my children to know, what values should become second nature, and what do I want instilled in their still impressionable minds that will benefit them throughout life?"

Answers may vary, depending on the day and the emphasis. A love for learning, for example. A heart of servantude, how to know joy, how to keep peace, or wisdom to know what is important and what is not.

Sometimes it is actually education related, like, "if they can add one digit numbers with ease, they will find math easier altogether", or "if they can read, they can learn just about anything".

I find, however, their grades and reading levels are becoming not as important as the simple yet complex task of being themselves.

I read a quote recently that I will paraphrase since I don't remember the exact words or the author:

Creativity is the evidence that a child has survived adulthood.

Thank God, I think there is a child still in here- but only because of divine intervention.

Switching gears a bit, I have reflected on our current state, with fires and droughts and floods and uncertain economic futures. We can't live in fear. I can't live in fear, because if I do, I'm not really living.

I don't want my children to live in fear, either.

I see a political analyisis from one side of the aisle, stated by one confident individual, and an exact opposite from the other, equally as confident. Lately, I find myself rolling my eyes to the left and looking for a pole to bang my head on at the right. I have an opinion, a very strong opinion, but I'm not sure either side would hail my opinion as genius.

I want my children to think for themselves- not to necessarily follow one prominate figure word for word- unless that figure agrees with them word for word. No bandwagons. Not completely, anyway. And if they do have a different opinion than the majority, they won't let that alone change it.

But I pray that no matter what they do or say, that it will always agree with God. I have found that, no matter what the situation is, when it is all said and done, God's word remains the truth. If I didn't have that, I would sway anywhere- because no one really knows what is right anymore.

To stay "children" in a creative sense, but mature in wisdom and knowledge. To enjoy their gifts and personal preferences, while valuing someone else's. To disagree while listening, or even learning from another's opinion. These are the things I want for them.

As an American mother who also happens to be a Jesus freak, I have an opinion. And so does the childless atheist or Buddhist grandfather- and we all live in "the land of the free". And someone- in fact, many people think they can solve energy issues and unemployment and hatred and make sure everyone has their God-given right of owning an iphone. And if they still have not figured it out yet, maybe they should get a degree at Harvard  or read twenty books on the issue and have seven hundred committee meetings where everyone argues and everyone knows they are right but will never convince anyone else.

Again, as an American/mother/Jesus freak, I am convicted that the answer is not intelligence alone. In fact, people of all kinds of intelligence may be a part of the solution. If someone declares themself as a Christian, I hope they know what that means, and what they are claiming to believe. I pray that they recognize that God promises to take care of our needs and should not fear. That they know as many promises as possible, and hold to the truths they claim to follow. And that they would truly understand who Jesus was and what he was trying to teach us. Then, knowing how God loves them and provides for them, they would live with a love for everyone that demolishes hate and fear- and then watch to see what happens. And if what we believe is really true (which I believe it is) the power of God will tear down walls and open locked doors and set even more people free. Otherwise, what is the point of faith?

I heard a news story that in the tradgedy of the Colorado wild fires, it was "the church's time to shine", and told reports of how Christians were caring for those in need. I dare say we do not need a fire to shine. Everyday is filled with opportunities to reflect Christ's love.

God is in the business of loving people, and He wants the most irritating (fill in the blank) to know His love. In addition, he wants the most evil crook, the worst smelling child, and the most self centered billionare to look to him in order to know real love.

So no matter what angle I am coming from, it ends up like this:

We should love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strengh so that we can love our neighbor as much as we love being ourselves. 

So simple, so complex. But if we can do that with joy, I think we have found the meaning of life.

Is This Sad?

So, Have you heard the news? Of course you have. The Duggar's are expecting their 20th child.

I have not watched a second of the show, so I have no opinion about it. What I do know is: (1) that they had a miscarriage early in life and then decided to let God decide how many they should have. (2)Their oldest has already started a family, stating that he also is willing to let God decide how many, and even though I sincerely hope he consulted with his wife on that, he must not have thought his experience was all that bad. (3)The dad's name is Jim Bob. (4) A woman at my work "ran into" the Duggar's twice, in two different locations. She said each time they stopped to talk and take pictures. She said they were great, if two-five minute encounters mean anything (5) They are "excited" about their news. Hey! They wanted this person in their life! (6)Several people have made them out to be evil for one reason or another. But today, the comment that really got me was "it's so sad that the older children have to raise the younger ones.

Really?

Those poor Duggar children that live in a home where they are loved and provided for. This is sad to you? Because what is sad to me is the millions of children that are not wanted. What is sad to me is the scared to death pregnant teenager that has no one to turn to. Or children whose parents have both died from AIDS, knowing they are soon to follow. The ones that are 6 years old and weight 10 pounds because there is no food. That is sad. The beautiful children that have parents, but had to be given up because they could not provide for them. Can you imagine? The landscape of children digging through a dump to find a bit of food, feet bleeding from the lack of shoes. Are you sad yet? What about the welfare children that are neglected and abused, sometimes to the point of death. Must I go on?

Do you think that any of these children I just mentioned wouldn't dream of living in a home like the Duggar's?

I do not think that everyone should forget any form of birth control and have 20 kids. However, I do think God does lead some people to do this, and they should listen. Before I even heard about the Duggar's, one month after I was married, God told me the same thing.

Yet, I had my tubes tied. I was so tired, I had lost hope, and I was listening to all the wrong people. Again, I am not saying there is anything wrong with preventing pregnancy. I am saying, I know I disobeyed God. And I am heartbroken.

Because even when I want to pull my hair out and wish that I could just process one thought, even when I lose it and scream like a lunatic, I would love four more.

I believe that God is not mad at me, and he heals and restores. His plan for my life has not stopped in it's tracks.

I also believe that Jesus loves all the little children of the world, and millions of his children are not experiencing it. This Duggar family, however, is not in that category.

My Opinion: On Food (Part 3-Good, Better, Best)

So with all that stuff said, this is my passion. Creating a healthy environment for my family.

I have not perfected it yet. I probably never will. At least trying makes it better.

I believe in the good, better, and best method.

It is good to eat. Eating something is better than skipping a meal.
It is better to make grilled chicken with a side of asparagus  and rice than a donut.
It is best if the grilled chicken had no added hormones, if the asparagus was certified organic, and if the rice was wild.

I find that as I keep this in mind, I climb my way up the latter toward the best as far as I can go. When the budget is tighter, I go with what is on sale. If I  have a little flexibility, I spring for the healthier stuff.

 



In teaching child nutrition, the green light, yellow light, and red light tool has been used. Green is a food you can eat anytime, yellow foods are good for you but need to be limited to sometimes, and red foods should only be eaten once and a while. We keep a fruit bowl that is for anytime. We eat meals at specific times during the day to prevent overeating. We have a dessert every Friday.

If these eating events become a routine, it is a household way of doing things instead of something preached. Pre-made desserts can be eliminated from the grocery list and out of mind (at least more so). Kids can pick out their favorite fruit bowl fruits. Sit down meals can be enjoyed often.

The likelihood of healthy children is best when coming from a healthy family.

My Opinion: On Food (Part 2)

I just accidentaly deleted part 2.

Part 2, Round 2

Food and Weight

1) Americans are unhealthy. Most people say it's because we are overweight because studies show that the majority of the overweight people are the unhealthy people. Americans are overweight. However, I am not convinced that it is always the weight that is making us unhealthy, but the habits that are causing the extra pounds might just be causing the unhealthy bodies as well. I have witnessed a large amount of jaw-dropping eating habits. I'm not talking about one meal. I'm talking habits. And with these habits, it's no wonder we are in a health care crisis.

2) I don't think it is going to be fixed with a diet plan. Some diet plans are worth looking at, with caution, but keep in mind they want to make money. A heck of a lot of money can be made on fad diets.

3) Weight loss diets that swear by a particular way of eating and knock all others should be considered with extreme caution. I'll bet I can show you a healthy person that eats exactly the way that diet shuns.
Some people say the vegetarian diet is the best for them, others swear by high protein. Diets can get as heated as politics.

4) I don't think we will get healthier by focusing on the composition of our foods (primarily speaking). I think it has more to do with lifestyle and attitudes. We are wealthy enough to eat when we want and many times what we want, and we don't have discipline. We are emotional. The advertising industry knows this and takes advantage of it, from both ends. They get us to eat the foods we shouldn't, then convinces us to pay a lot of money to lose the fat we gained from eating those foods. So we lose 20 pounds in two weeks and then gain 30 back.

5) Various socio-economical groups of people tend to starve and feast. Busy working class (ahhhem.. or moms) get too involved, skip meals, grab fast or processed foods, and wait to eat until the next time they are famished. Beauty concerned people diet....yo-yo style. Poverty level skip meals and stock up on filling, high calorie, low nourishing foods to survive. Generally speaking, of course. Certain fasts can be healthy. The habit of meal skipping is not.

6) When studying diets, I see a lot of criticism of registered dietitians. Mainly because of the amount of carbs they encourage. I think I read things with an open mind. I want to know what is best and just because I was taught a certain way- if it is wrong, it's wrong. On one hand I get that the medical field does not tailor to individual needs. It tailors to the majority, based on studies. It comes at you with, "I'm going to recommend this meal plan because according to such and such study, it is most likely to work for you. And if I recommend this, that is also recommended by this research based article and the USDA, I won't get sued." Or something like that.

On the other hand, pleeeeeeeaaaaaseeee!!!!! Do you really think I will weigh your over priced food every single meal for the rest of my life? Do you think I will never eat a candy bar or, heck, a serving of brown rice ever again? Do you think that with a family of 6 I can afford your high protein, grass fed, purely organic menus? DO YOU REALLY think I have the time to make every little touch to my full coarse meals from it's most simple, unprocessed form? Impossible.

Dietitians are trained to help the masses. Diets don't cater to normal families. It's not healthy for a mom or dad to sit there eating a salad while the kiddos gobble up steak and potatoes in the name of weight loss. Sorry folks, but if one person needs to lose weight, all need to change lifestyles. That's why balance is the key. And one more thing. Even if you think you are eating the most perfect meal plan ever invented, someone will counter that.

Hospitals work the same way. I have not found an Atkins or Primal hospital yet, and though they may cater to you in the name of customer service, it will not be default diet plan.

7) But then again, healthy eating must be a priority- for our health. It helps the kids in school, it improves our quality of life, our productivity, and our attitudes. I think weight should be considered, but not a primary reason for changing eating behaviors. There is the high calorie, low nutrient, fully processed lifestyle on one end, and there is the incredibly expensive, time consuming, super duper healthy on the other. If you can do the super duper healthy option, good for you. The majority cannot.

If you are wanting to lose weight for the sake of looking great, may I suggest opting for a new hairstyle or dress. All sizes of people can be beautiful. If you want to be healthier and feel better, might I suggest changing a few lifestyle habits and you might just be surprised at how your body responds.

My Opinion: On Food (Part 1)

I have been thinking of this blog post for some time now. How to say it...

Food and nutrition has become a big love and sometimes hate topic for me. Love because I love everything about food. It's necessary, but also yummy, fun, and beautiful. Hate because it's confusing and a huge industry so there is a lot of misinformation out there.

I am a registered dietitian. I distinctly remember a class that the dietetics majors shared with hotel and restaurant manager majors. You could tell the difference. For some reason, we sat on one side of the room and they on the other. We sat there, pen in hand, posture straight, quiet (except for a few thoughtful q&a), and occasionally glancing over to the other side of the room to the distraction of the easy going hotel-restaurant people. I often wondered why on earth I was on the studious side.

Dietetics is a very diverse area- I couldn't see myself in a white coat walking down the hall of a hospital with a clip board in had. I had no idea what to do after a very discouraging clinical rotation followed by graduation. The work I ended up with was truly a divine intervention. One week out of my clinical experience I was given a breath of fresh air at a small behavioral hospital for children. Eventually that is where I became a dietitian and still remain on the payroll. It is a place where I was free to use creativity in the food and the presentation of information. It was an exciting experience for me.  It fit me perfectly.

Yet I still find myself extremely anal. When it comes to food and nutrition, I tend to put on the white coat and look at numbers carefully. I do my research and make sure my process fits some kind of flow chart or another. This is the one and only area of my life where a type A creeps through, so I want to say this right.

And this will take a few parts...

I want to do more with food and nutrition  on this blog but I need to set a foundation- what my food priorities are, what information I hold valuable, and what my somewhat unique focus might be, because at times I might appear to contradict myself but I have a very well thought out food opinion.

Here is my summary:

Adult nutrition is ultimately the responsibility of the individual. You can go to a doctor, go to nutrition counseling, and do your research but actions are what make the difference.

Your family's diet will affect them. The food you eat will either help you or hurt you. It needs to be a priority.

Your life is not all about food. Good food is a foundation for life and sometimes a compliment to life, but it is not all you do, nor the most important thing you do. There needs to be a balance.

When dealing with children, the important thing is teaching a healthy lifestyle. Individual meals are important, but creating a lifestyle that will continue when the parent is not around is much more valuable.

Some foods help, some foods hurt, and some foods help and hurt. We need to focus on the good foods, get as many as we can, but be aware that we will ingest things that are not necessarily the best for us. It's life. Getting stressed or discouraged about food may even cause you to eat more of the bad stuff, since stress and food have a relationship. And finally, we need to pray that our food helps our bodies.

We cannot possibly know everything about food, nutrition, and our bodies. However, there are some things that we can do that will improve the quality and quantity of our lives.

My Opinion: On Family

I've written about this before, but since I'm on a roll, let's visit us again.

Family is everything. I don't have studies to cite on this but they are there. There is security in family, love- a love that rarely would come from anyone else. Belonging. Where a person's world view is formed ( and sometimes a lack of family forms this). A family is no laughing matter.

We don't need better schools, we need better families. In general- I'm not saying your family needs to be better. We just need stronger families.

To me, my family comes before money and time to myself. I would rather have a family that valued me than gave me stuff. Here, I must point out that I do still have an "away from home" job that, thankfully, has given opportunity for me to work when we need money- and it gives me time away and some extra validation that is very refreshing. We work for money for many different reasons. Sometimes it is out of necessity and sometimes it is out of greed- for money, power, or a reason to get away. Each family has to make it's own decision and I am not here to judge individuals. Some families have two working parents but still have family as a priority....some have AMAZING single parents that somehow do it all. I am in awe of these people. At any rate, it is clear to me that as a society we have mixed up some priorities.

Extended family is a little different matter. They are different than friends- even though some are friends. It's just that we don't get to pick them. I think that you can either resent who you got stuck with or embrace them. That does not mean let them walk all over you, but I am convinced that on a pie chart of grace distribution, family would get the largest slice.

My families have given experiences and exposures that overwhelm my thoughts. The further away from the core, the more history is preserved. The more memories are made. The more insight is built. Shame on those that manipulate or bully family members. Shame on those for taking each other for granted. Shame on the ones that compare and control, and those that jump to conclusions based on a speck of knowledge. But even if one has some or all of these types, he or she would be better off to heap on the grace (mixed in with proportional wisdom). And if at all possible, don't burn bridges completely.

If you are in a situation that may hurt relationships, destroy the situation in order to preserve the relationship. Error on the side of family. I sincerely believe one day we will fully understand the purpose of this institution, and will kick ourselves for not valuing the jewel that it is.

My Opinion: On Friends

I've been in this mood lately- It's not so sweet. Ahhh, the seasons of my moods. This is the season of the matter-of-fact Wendi. So, I thought I'd share my opinion about a few things, because, my opinion is that this is my blog and I can do that, and if you would rather not read it- don't. (but I still hope you do.)

Friends by definition

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.


2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

 
My definition:
 
A friend is someone I love to be with.
A friend is not someone I try and get out of spending time with.
 
A friend is someone who learns to appreciate something uniquely important or special to me or about me.
A friend is not someone who always expects me to conform to them.
 
A friend recognizes my gifts and where I got the short end of the stick (like spelling), then encourages the gifts and piles grace on whatever is lacking.
A friend does not start a competition, envying gifts and exposing faults.
 
A friend enriches my life.
A friend does not suck the life out of me.
 
A friend is sad when I hurt and throws a party when I am blessed.
A friend does not get joy from my hurts, nor hurts when I am blessed.
 
With a friend, I can say what I want, respectfully.
A friend does not cause me to walk on eggshells time after time.
 
A friend is welcoming.
A friend does not make me feel stupid for giving an invitation.
 
A friend respects my friends, husband, and children.
If someone slams one of these, I am crushed as well.
 
A friend, no matter how close or how long it's been, shows love. A friend flashes a smile- sometimes a giddy school girl smile, sometimes an "it's been too long" smile, and sometimes a comfortable "you are always welcome" smile. A friend sends encouragement once and a while. A friend admits faults and seeks reconciliation.
 
Some of my friends I don't know very well. Some I feel a connection reserved for a close few.Some are so wonderful but not an active part of my life- but nothing has changed. And many are in between. They are all so beautiful. I have been so blessed with top notch friends that I have no need for a second rate friend. I wish everyone would be so blessed. I would hope that my friendship would be equally valued.
 
Ok, so this turned out to be a little bit sweet. I love my friends.
But competitive, self seeking "friends" are not really friends, and will not be allowed to use me in order to promote their own self. I don't need a friend like that!
 
 
What qualities shine in your friends?