Some Days, All I See is Gray Hair

And cellulite.  And then I worry about it and because of my worry I am absolutely sure that more gray hair just popped through my scalp.

How did I get to be such a negative thinker? How do I channel all kinds of negative and dooms day predictions on myself?

Well, I could tell you of all my bad experiences. They tend to justify my fears. Then, they make them worse. Indulging in self pity is like digging further down in a dark cave when you could just turn around and walk out.

You know what? What should have been the best years of my life were stolen away and replaced with blurs of sleepless nights, too little money, and a constant mess. Now, I have gray hair. In fact, I don't even remember how to "do" hair. And to think, all of my woes were due to four (and sometimes five) babies.

Wait. What? The moment I regret one second of not being a young beauty queen with a spotless house as a result of the ones I love... well, that means something is wrong. I would never hit the restart button if that meant living without one of these children (or my husband..).

I see beautiful, gray-haired women all of the time. I also see beautiful blonds and brunettes that have gray hair under that color. Life is not over.

This summer has had the potential of being one of the worst ever- and some days I give in and fall into my self pity. But for the most part, thank God, I have had joy.

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice!- Phil 4:4

I love how Paul can say this, even when his circumstances didn't look great. Worse than mine, in fact.

And he wouldn't have said it if it were not possible.

On the fourth of July, we went to my parents' house. We had a cookout, waited for dark, and shot off some fireworks. It was a moonless night... very black. We were in the country, away from the house. I could see more stars than one can in the city, or even on a typical night in the country. They were everywhere. But something else caught my eye. Fireflies. Not just one here or there, but near the creek and around the cottonwoods, thousands. Tens of thousands, likely. I have never seen anything like it. I stood there for a good ten minutes in awe. The fireworks were fabulous. But the stars and fireflies were majestic.

And all I had to do was be in the right place and be still.

I wonder how many blessings I miss out on because I refuse to be still and prefer to worry. My biggest enemy steals my joy, kills my peace, and destroys goodness. And that is why it is better to rejoice always. That is the way to abundant life.

And now, because I could not get a picture,
and because of my firefly friends,
and because worry is a lie,
and with it everything is never as it seems (even while awake),
and just because it makes me happy:

Dishes

What is one thing that always needs to be done?

Dishes. And laundry, but I'm tackling one thing at a time.

Every appliance in my house is old, including my dishwasher. One day I was fretting over the fact it will finally fail soon- and then it hit me. Dishwashers are really a luxury. A want, not a need.

Slowly, I began to accept the idea of hand washing my dishes instead of using the dishwasher. I have to wash them ahead of time, anyway, and if I don't, the whole load ends up dirtier than before the machine washed them.

Then I started to get excited about it. Before we had a dishwasher growing up, I gained memories of drying dishes next to my mom- I remember kind of liking it :)

 

 

 



Currently, our mission is to wash dishes after each meal. I have reduced their chores to three a day after meals in order to focus on developing this habit. One girl sweeps the kitchen, one cleans off the table (everyone is responsible for taking their own plate to the sink), and one helps me do the dishes. Max vacuums under the table.

The very first thing we do is rinse and scrape as clean as possible, stacking dishes according to wash order.

If something- especially pots and pans- are extra greasy, I sprinkle some baking soda on it to soak up the grease. ( I put it in a small mason jar with a few holes poked in the lid).

We use this homemade soap.

The first sink is for washing. I like to soak them a few minutes before washing if needed. The water is as hot as tolerated, with a few squirts of soap.

Glasses first, silverware second, then dishes and baking pans.

Second sink is for rinse. I pour a little vinegar in the hot water because it helps with reducing water marks and greasy dishes. I love my soap, but it is not sudsy like the store brand and does not always get rid of grease. Vinegar does help. Lemon juice works as well.

Place on racks to dry. If possible, it is most sanitary to air dry. It's also less work :) Otherwise, towel dry. Make sure they are completely dry before putting dishes away in order to prevent bacteria growth.

It is best when we put some music on and work together, and then it is done- no waiting for the dishwasher to finish. I'm loving the elimination of the dishwasher!

Why I Love Refried Beans

When we would go to Wichita, dinner was at La Chanitas. I would get some sort of combo including refried beans with shredded lettuce and mild salsa. Since then, I've always loved refried beans.

Pork burgers. Like hamburgers but oh my gosh so much better at the county fair in the Pork Producer's booth.

Grilled T-bones. I seldom eat these at a restaurant because his were always the best.

I also blame him for my unhealthy love for ice cream. Braum's.

Dads make great memories.

I had a preventative talk with Savannah about boys the other day. I said she didn't need to worry about dating and boys until she was ready to get married, which will be for a while.
She shrugged her shoulders and said, "That's okay, I'll just date Daddy until then".

For them, it will be eggrolls or sticky rice.

Dos Reales' chicken salad.

Drinks with things floating around in them.

And ice cream.

These Things I Know

My children, excited about our vacation starting very early in the morning, decided to go to bed at 7:00 so they would be well rested.

It's 11:00 and they are still awake. And so am I, very much so.

I have not blogged much lately. Partly because I am too tired, because I've spewed my heart out into cyberspace enough, and because I don't know how to properly communicate burning thoughts and lessons my life brings.

Max will turn four in a week. I started this blog a few months after he was born. Was there life before Max? My world was changed at that point. Not just because of him, but because that was when I started homeschool. That was when my niece, Ellie came to stay with me. Since then, she's left but will forever be a part of our family. We've had little, we've had more... dreams fulfilled and dreams still in expectations. Dreams that died out. It's been hard. It's been a blast. It was and still is the desires of my heart. All of it.

I feel like a completely different person than Wendi four years ago. I have a long way to go.

I have resigned to teetering between being a teacher at heart and reluctant to open my mouth. I want to study and teach homemaking for the mother that has all odds against her, but I can't do this until my heart is right. God has shown me homemaking is a matter of the heart. Mine must have been in need of much training, because he just keeps showing me things. And I appear to be failing at homemaking.

This are the things, however, I know:

• There is always something to be thankful about, and those are the things you must set your mind on, or joy will not have power in your life. Joy is essential. So is thanksgiving. If you cannot think of anything, ask God.

• You cannot expect God to bless your plans. Learn His plans, obey, and expect abundant blessings. If you don't know what His plans are, ask God.

• Learn to be content in the present with an expectation of future increase. Be who you were made to be, tuning out the standards of anyone else and looking to God's word as a user manual for your life. Disesteem the world's opinion of you and delve into the reality of who you really are. If you don't know who you are, ask God.

• Accept God's grace. He knows where you are. Grace when you miss a payment. Grace when you can't keep up with the laundry. Grace when you are not sure how to handle a child. Accept the grace and then ask for wisdom. There has been no perfect wife or mother yet, and you won't be the first. Need wisdom? Ask God.

• Don't expect your children to fit into your busy life. Slow down and be there for them when and where they need you... and loosen up when and where they need you. They are not here for you, but you are here for them. This is like planting seeds that will produce much good in the future.

• Allow the Holy Spirit to work in every area, especially when you cannot do it yourself. Watch to see what He will do.

• Involve the kids. Let them help when they are willing. Expect them to even if they are not willing. It starts as an added chore for us, but ends as great help for us and good work ethic for them. Inviting them to follow our example is priceless.

• No matter how much chaos surrounds us, keep yourself in perfect peace. Peace is where the life of the home starts.

• Bad things will happen. These are temporary. To handle them, see above.

• Good things will happen. Celebrate them, then repeat above.

• Above all, magnify God. Study His word, and resolve to live in it as truth. This seems radical since we've been lied to so much. It is, however, essential for the very same reason.

Good night and God bless.

Messy Goodness

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

God is good. He gives us good things. The good things are from God. These things, however, are not safe. They are not the easy route, and common sense may question them.

Not everything is good, but the good things are from God. And God makes good things come out of the things that are not good.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28


These truths I know. But to be quite honest, I just don't understand God. If God is good, things should be good. And by that, my understanding would convince me that good means easy. But it doesn't. It should mean safe. But that's not it.

It should mean that anyone that calls themselves a follower of God is good, but they are not. But God delights in them and passionately cheers them on, tirelessly encouraging the failures.

It should mean that this is a beautiful world- and it is. Yet it is the most horrible of worlds.

There is no neat and perfect box to put my faith in. This is messy. Still, God is my refuge and Jesus is my Savior.

"But Sam lay back, and stared with open mouth, and for a moment, between bewilderment and great joy, he could not answer. At last he gasped: “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What’s happened to the world?” - J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of the King

May I humbly suggest this thought to anyone who can relate to the mess I'm in? Find something good and thank God for it. Not something safe. Not something that makes sense. Something good.

When your messy, quarreling children cut off your lilacs and give you a bouquet, be thankful.

At the end of a long, confusing day, watch the sunset, hear the birds, smell the lilacs, and be thankful. These things are from God. They are good. There is good. We need to see it.

"And Little Child understood that the more he told the stories about the King and the King's people, the less fear he felt and the less fear was in the dark room. Amanda was right: SIGHTERS ARE NOT AFRAID." -David and Karen Burton Mains, Tales of the Restoration

Joy Killers: Mom Wars

I was having a wonderful day at the park a few weeks ago. It was warm and swarming with children. Mine wanted to climb the rock wall. All four of them climb up and jumped off the 5 ft. ledge- except for Max, whom we carried off after each accomplished climb.

Some parents with young children told them they were too young to try. It took all I had to not roll my eyes. Why wouldn't you let them? As I sat in judgment, a three or four year old girl ran past. She must have been 50+ pounds. She couldn't even lift her little legs high enough to climb without help from her mom I started thinking of all kinds of health problems this child will have due to her condition.

Then God whispered, "You don't know what that mom has been through. Pray and don't judge."

As someone who is infuriated with parents that complain about the inconvenience of children,  I find myself being far too judgmental. I see them missing out on all they joy kids bring and leaving a less then favorable legacy. However, I don't know the whole story. After all, parenting is hard for me and I have a participating husband and an occasional grandparent to help. I have my pet peeves, but then again, I have been judged as well.

I'm not careful enough.
I shelter my kids too much.
I'm denying them of a social life.
They are not in enough activities.

In fact, the more I judge, the more I feel judged. Matthew 7:1 anyone?

It doesn't matter which side I'm on, it just doesn't feel good.

To stay at home or to work.
Private, Public, or home education.
Natural food vs. at least they are fed.
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.

Really, the fact was that day, that there were parents who cared enough to take their kids to the park. That is something to be thankful for.

Is it possible to train our minds to encourage before judging? To see that our situations are unique and each family must make the right decision for them? To know that we are not God?

From where I stand, I seems to me that the number one reason for discouragement and depression as a parent is the inability to meet other people's expectations. This is time and effort wasted in the areas not meant for us. It is a joy killer. In fact, it is bondage. It is an inability to flourish in our unique gifts as a family. We set made-up and unrealistic expectations that will always leave us as failures.

But God's expectations are full of freedom and joy. They fit right into our very makeup. They were written for us by our creator. Oh, to live each day delighting in Him, letting Him direct us.

 

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:4-6

Moms, we will enjoy or job much more and do a better job at it if we stop letting others blindly influence our family decision and refrain from having all the answers for someone else. Godly council is good, but it is void of judgment and pride.

Let's encourage each other instead.

Mercy.

I love how, as students of the Bible, we can read over and over something our whole life and one day we suddenly get it.

His mercies are new every morning.

Mercy= already paid for.

Each morning presents a whole new pile of unwrapped packages, filled with grace (undeserved favor), dreams, opportunities, and forgiveness. Today didn't go so well for you? That's okay, tomorrow presents new mercies. Already paid for.

Lamentations 3:22-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

²² Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

 

If we woke up each morning knowing this, how would it change our day? How would we treat others different? How would it affect the mood of our household?

 

It reminds me of spring; a new start, a fresh perspective.